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Hi,
I’m in a bad way at the moment. My wife wants to divorce and has accused me of emotional abuse. We went to relationship counselling for a few months and she never showed the slightest interest in finding common ground. Everything was my fault. We have two kids (4 and 7) and I do so much for them. I’m up at 6, I make lunch for them to take to school, get them up, give them breakfast, get them to brush teeth and get them dressed so that they’re all ready to go by 7:30 when I leave for work. Wife has OCD and has to hoover house before she takes them to school and always leaves it late (15 Mins walk to school) so they often have to run to get there on time. I do all the cooking at weekends and her mum comes up during the week so she doesn’t have to cook. I bath the kids and put them to bed. Basically, I do a lot.
I’m heartbroken and I’ve somehow agreed that I will leave. I’ve found a really nice place to rent and we’ve agreed that I will have the kids every weekend (pick them up from school and drop them back Monday morning). I will also come round on Wednesday to see them and put them to bed.
I’ve tried to get her to give it another chance but she won’t. I’m crying all the time as it’s a few weeks until I leave. We haven’t told the kids yet and I can’t think of anything worse. We’re meant to protect our kids not put them through this.
I have so much stress at the moment, I have to deal with the reality, buy furniture for the new place, try and reduce the mortgage (she doesn’t work), makes sure there’s enough money for them and me. I’ve a job that pays a lot but I’m reasonably high up in a management structure and it’s stressful too. I think I’m close to breaking.
I’m a compete mess at the moment. I feel rejected and I can’t see a future for me. I’m 39 with 2 kids and I can’t see the possibility of ever getting another partner. In a moment of madness I went onto match.com and nobody wants to know if you’ve got two kids, especially if you have them every weekend.
If someone could relate to my story or give me some hope I’ll be grateful. My parents have tried to support me the best they can but they live 400 miles away and have turned very angry towards my wife.
I’m at such a low.
Thanks
Hi there
Im sorry to hear that you're struggling, breaking up is so vey hard, particularly for the partner that doesnt want it to end. The way youre feeling is natural and it will get better in time. If you are feeling unable to cope, it might be a good idea to go and see your GP and get some support there.
Have you spoken to your boss about what’s happening and how difficult you're finding it, it would be good to get their support too, you will need their understanding over the next few months, whilst you adjust to your new sutuation.
Things will seem pretty bleak at the moment, but you do need to be strong for your children, they'll need you more than ever to be there for them and they will give you the strength to carry on.
Now’s not the time to be thinking about future partners... best to concentrate on yourself and your kids. Their routine will be disrupted and everything they rely on will be changed... they will be confused and they will need you.
If you need to talk to someone, the Samaritans are a really good place to turn, they are open 24hrs a day, everyday.their number is 116 123 and its free to call.
Its good that you have opened up about how your feeling, it helps to talk.
All the best
Hi
You aren't in a suitable state yet to go onto Match or any dating site - you need to get yourself in a better place mentally first, as the last thing you need to do is go out on a date and spend the time wishing you were with your wife. When you are ready, then you'll be surprised how many women are interested - after all, chances are they are in a similar position.
With regards to the divorce, don't sort out too much yet - go and get advice from a divorce solicitor. If you give away too much now, you'll be giving away even more during the settlement, so don't make it too easy for her, don't forget she wanted the divorce, so she can't have everything her own way, and you need to be leaving yourself enough to set yourself up, and to have money to spend on your children. And under no circumstances should you go for a final settlement agreement with respect to child maintenance otherwise you will end up paying twice.
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