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Hello, everyone. First time member, and poster to the forum. I am a US father of 3, at the age of 24. My wife and I have been together for 5 years, with 3 years married. She is now 21, and about to turn 22 in July. A little background about her without delving into too much detail and boring everyone. She has come from parents who cares the least about her, between her and her younger brother. The mother, a fat, ugly waste of space and oxygen, would starve her in a closet for a week, make her stand in time out on her tiptoes throughout a period of 2 days without rest and food. Also attempted to drown her at a young age. Although her father did not harm her, he did not interfere or attempted to help. Family members have sexually abused and raped,and she has gone through her attention stage by giving [censored] to her partners, for attention.
To make my story, and post shorter, my wife does not show very much affection as any other normal person would. [censored] is the least thing she thinks about,but has made every effort our three years of marriage to open up sexually to me. However, it is only a couple times through out a few days spread out through out a week here and a week there.
I come from a close family,loved and protected and always very sexually active. Masturbation was normal at a young age for me and became addicted to porn. My relationship partners were always loving and sexual and affectionate.
So you see, I love my wife since the day I saw her. I have loved her body before, and after the birth of our children,and love to touch her as if we just met yesterday. I would love to be sexually active as many times as possible a day and would love to kiss her everyday I wake up. When I touch her and love on her, she shows a very minial sign of appreciation, love, if any, and at times gets back on her phone to check her social media.
I love her and have no other intention of leaving her and our children. She is perfect and I have literally kneeled down and kissed her feet. Anyone could say I basically worship her. Regardless, I have told her she is special to me and showed her. She, attempts to do the same, I believe, but ends up always saying she does not like feeling like I am asking her to be too clingy or have her act llike a little puppy dog that always begs for my attention, love and affection.
I have patience and know that under her circumstances, she has issued she has been battling and has come a long way.
What is a man to do after not having normal amounts of love and affection, on a daily basis, but loves his wife to death?
She will tease and tease and at the end of the day, as opposed to asking for any type of touch or sexual affection, she says she did not mean for me to take anything in a sexual way. She chooses when she would love for me to cuddle with her and show her affection, yet when I do, she shows no sign of affection, or feels I am being sexual simply because I may touch certain parts of her body, but unless I ask for permission to do anything sexual or ask directly for anything sexual, she states I am always too sexual and only touch her sexually.
Please...please...What do I do? There are constantly arguments about her being the way she is and how she cannot change, but the second I state I am always loving her in my own unique ways, she says it is not what she wants at that moment.
Am I to change my ways? Is she? I never state either of us is wrong, even though I point out in our relationship everything must be communicated. Which IS another issue...she believes not communicating about an issue, that very second, it will be reolved and okay by the next day. Which she at that point is happy and has moved on. For me, it might weigh in my shoulders because she was upset over, say, trying to help her with an issue or an attitude I felt she gave me.
I just want to help for either of us. Anything. I never try to make her feel bad or try to tell her she is wrong because that is not how a relationship should be, but instead, try to point out things we could both work on for the sake of our marriage. She just takes it as me calling her imperfect and flawed and worthless. She takes it as if I am telling her she is wrong and that she is unable to do anything right. All because of a shitty parent her mother had been to her.
Again..anything will help me. Please.
Hi there
From reading through your post, I just got the sense that you are obsessing about the sexual side of your relationship...l think you may find that if you concentrate on bringing the romance back into things and let the sexual side of things happen naturally you might have more success.
Perhaps you might benefit from couples counselling, but I can't recommend any services in the US as we are a UK based forum.
Hopefully other members will comment and offer further advice.
All the best
DOn't think I can add anything to what Mojo has said, I think counselling is definitely the way to go.