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Hello all,
Bit of a depressing first post but I had to try and seek some advice from somewhere.
My partner and I are going through a bit of a rough patch, it's by no means over but it could possibly be heading that way.
We have a young son together (he will be 2 in December) and we have a shared mortgage on a three bedroom house. We're also engaged to be married in two years.
However, life has been hard since our littleun came along. We both love him very much but I feel it's put a strain on our relationship. We never go out as a couple anymore as our extended family are quite comfortable with making us feel guilty if we ever ask them to babysit. My partner works three days a week for very little money and because of the money I earn it has made it so that she is not entitled to any tax credits or other such benefits. We basically work under the proviso that I pay all bills and she provides food, nappies etc for our son.
She's also been dieting for the best part of a year now and looks really good for it. A side effect of this has been that we don't eat together anymore and she's also agitated and hungry a lot of the time. I'm doing long hours and then coming home, helping out with my son, then making dinner for myself, clearing up and then too exhausted for anything else.
My partner has a lot of friends and family members that are single Mums that don't work. She see's the benefits they receive and I genuinely feel she could be envious of their lifestyle and wants it for herself. Although she's never said this I just believe she thinks she'd be better off if I wasn't around, she'd live in a one bedroom flat with my son, claiming what she would then be entitled to and not having to work.
I don't know where this leaves me. I still love her but she's completely different now. All I really care about is my son. We do have more fun when it's just the two of us and the negativity surrounding my partner is absent.
She's become, it seems, quite bitter towards me and I'm responding quite negatively to this by bickering back. Not sure where we go from here but it's nearly 2am and I'm on this Internet forum which is a good indication of where we are.
Even if I don't get any responses to this it's been good to write this down.
I don't know about single parents with a child being better off! My daughter has a two year old and is a single parent on benefits and she struggles a lot....mind you she doesn't get a penny from the father. Perhaps your partners friends are getting child maintenance from the fathers to top up their benefits and this will make a difference... My daughter is desperate to work.
It's comes as a surprise to many new parents how much a child changes things. Have you tried talking to her about this and telling her how you feel? It will take putting some effort in to try and turn things around....you will need to try and introduce a little romance back into your relationship. Could you perhaps talk to a close family member about the problems you are having and see if you can arrange some "couple time"...I'm sure if they realise you are struggling as a couple they won't mind helping out with some babysitting.
Try and be a little spontaneous, a nice bouquet of flowers, a candle lit dinner.....instead of cooking separately all the time have a couple of days a week where you share a meal....even if it means you are eating low calorie! Or maybe a take away...
There are no easy fixes when it comes to keeping a relationship going, it takes effort and compromise. Have a think how you could do some things differently and try and take time out to talk to one another about how to get back on track....every relationship has its ups and downs so hang on in there.