[Solved] Rekindle a relationship unfair on kids ?

Hi Nick

A lot of children have two homes when their parents separate. Even if you are unsuccessful with your application for residency, you should still get an order for regular contact and hopefully that will include overnights.

It's difficult for you but try not to allow the fact that you are missing the family unit cloud your judgement. You went through some terrible times and I would hate for you to find yourself in that position again.

Perhaps you should get transcripts of the internet communication you've had with her for the court so that they can see the complexities involved in your case. Whatever you decide just be careful.

Hi Nick

A lot of children have two homes when their parents separate. Even if you are unsuccessful with your application for residency, you should still get an order for regular contact and hopefully that will include overnights.

It's difficult for you but try not to allow the fact that you are missing the family unit cloud your judgement. You went through some terrible times and I would hate for you to find yourself in that position again.

Perhaps you should get transcripts of the internet communication you've had with her for the court so that they can see the complexities involved in your case. Whatever you decide just be careful.

Thank you for posting i have been though a lot a lot of dm from her to me but she will not talk to me in front of SS they ask me and her to sit in a room and play with the kids together and she sits next to me but does not even look at me. She has told SS she is finding it very hard on her own. The court has orded me and her to meet up in a public place on our own with the kids and for her to hand the kids over for 2 hours untill they make judgement the final hearing is in 4 weeks. The plan was to go and pick the kids up then have my time with them and then when i take them back ask if she would like to go some were has a family even if its to Mc Donald's and then try and tell her how i feel but try and get her to be open and admit she has a problem and that she will seek help and get her to be honest with the court and get it in writing from the court that she will get help before anything. This is a huge thing to ask because if she does admit shes violent then she would know i would win so she would have to trust me and i would need to trust her im guessing.

To be honest Nick I think it's a big ask from her. She has had plenty of time to be honest and in my experience , the longer a lie continues, the harder it is to come clean about it.

It would be nice if you could get on as separated parents, but reading between the lines i get the feeling you are considering more. Of course this is up to you but please don't forget the [censored] she put you through and the level of abuse you have suffered.

She is still fighting her stand for residency and I can't see her giving up on that, which would happen if she were to tell the truth. ...she would very likely lose custody.

To be honest Nick I think it's a big ask from her. She has had plenty of time to be honest and in my experience , the longer a lie continues, the harder it is to come clean about it.

It would be nice if you could get on as separated parents, but reading between the lines i get the feeling you are considering more. Of course this is up to you but please don't forget the [censored] she put you through and the level of abuse you have suffered.

She is still fighting her stand for residency and I can't see her giving up on that, which would happen if she were to tell the truth. ...she would very likely lose custody.

The thing im scared of is SS saying your not putting the kids first if your gonna get back together. Has you said she hasn't come clean so far because it wouldn't go her way in court. When i was with her i wasnt allowed to talk to my family my mum etc and on the 1 before last court date she said i could see the kids and was open to offering me contact. But the last court date she seen me with my mum up the town she then went into the court and said if he is talking with his mother then im not going to offer him anything. She then said if he drops the residence order he can have contact. The judge has now made a order which says i can have them for 2 hours but my mum is not allowed to see them on my time. ( crazy i know)
I know everyone mite think its crazy to go back but if she gets help and its written down for the court.... im thinking its best to sit down and talk with her and see how she feels if she feels the same then ask SS what needs to happen for them to be happy with it and ask them to get her help ? Firstly she needs to admit there is something wrong tho.

Having read your post Nick it reminded me of me very early on in the seperation / court process. I think your still grieving the loss of your relationship and family life that you once had.

In my situation I quickly came to the conclusion that even if she rocked up having had a personality transplant the trust was gone.

Do not give her an inch, stay in the family home, gather as much evidence to support your case as is possible and let her have as much rope as she wishes.

Your job is now to provide the best life that you can for you and your children.

I am not saying that you do not be reasonable, you have to be for the children, however do not do anything which compromises you being able to build the best possible future for them and going back to her and / or not standing up for yourself and the children I fear will be a regret to you if you do.

It seems that she has issues and and that they are ongoing, the court may never see them or acknowledge them and the process is hard enough. Be reasonable but assetive with the needs of the children and yourself.

You need to be the strong one, the reasonable one and the stable one so that the children know what strong, reasonable and stable look like as they may never see that from her.

Regards,

Dave