[Solved] Recently seperated

Been a very rough day, done the rounds today. Told my boss what's happening, said he had an inkling something was up, offered me some time off but I've refused just asked for more work to fill my day.

We told the girls as well, the 4 yr didn't really understand but the 8yr was upset, hopefully we've explained in away that she understands that no one is to blame. Only time will tell.

I've just told my parents as well and I'm going to spend the night here, my first night out the house since all this went down.

Living wise, as I mentioned before we can give up the house til April and neither of us have enough space at parents for kids too, so the girls will stay there and we're going to alternate living there two weeks each. So I'm not going to be a weekend dad and will still see the girls even when it's not my weeks as we will still have a day each week with them and due to the nature of our work schedules we'll still help each out my looking after them.

So starting Monday I will be at my parents for two weeks, with their support I can start looking after me and hopefully being able to have my own space and do my own thing will make things easier to move forward.

Hi,

I think now you have told your parents and will be staying with them you will have people to talk to of an evening and this will help you greatly.

Chin up, sounds like you both want what's best for your children and that's the main thing... You too will move on and meet someone new when the time is right, but right now you just need to think about yourself and your kiddies 🙂

Today's been ok, not feeling the worst I have recently. I must admit, yesterday part of me felt like telling everyone and staying the night with my folks was kind of like admitting defeat. As if by staying then maybe this could all stop. But it's done now.

I've arranged my induction at the gym tomorrow and am planning on going at least 3 times a week. I need to look up a proper workout regime and diet plan, I'm hoping to increase my overall fitness and maybe put on another stone.

I've also been looking at what my options are when we have to give the house back in a couple of months. My parents won't be kicking me out but I don't want to still be there this time next year. Hopefully, if my budgeting is accurate, I should be able to get by decently in my own place, hopefully by summer.

Oh, and I'm finding a few things frustrating at the moment- having to skip listening to some of my favourite bands, or tv that is to close to home. But the main thing that annoys me right now is that I've always struggled to be able to talk openly about how I feel even with me wife, typical guy, but it wasn't that I didn't want but just couldn't as if something was stopping me. But now that it's all over, i find myself able to be open and honest and say what's going on with me to her.
Typical the way somethings work out!

I just can't seem to catch a break at the moment, everytime it feels like im starting to get myself back on track it seems like something comes along and keeps right back down again - This time it's technology!

So im trying to do a bit more work on my future budget, and decided t otake a 5 minute break. Come back to my laptop and the screen savers on, shuffling through all the photos on the laptop. So I watch them for a moment, and some photos start to pop on that i've not sen before. Recent photos of herself (and why does she have to look twice a beautiful now? Do me a favour and look like [censored]!), screen grabs, some photos of the girls and her friends, then a photo of the new guy and I realise her phone is backing up onto the laptop.

And I dont know why i didn't just stop it right there, cos these photos arn't meant for me to see - Nothing scandalous, shes not that type - and im back to feeling [censored] again. Part of me thinks, no! Power on, show her that your changing yourself for the better. Then I think why bother, she's already gone.

Life AHHH!

It is still early days, and you have made some positive moves.

If the computer is yours I would let your wife know that her phone is backing up to it. She will need to change some settings. This will at least stop you from being caught unaware like this.

For some reason men are not very good at talking about stuff like emotions, or more guarded in what they share with other men. I tend to share some details with very few people, usually those who need to know and tend to keep a lot of the deeper stuff to myself. For example I shared with my boss when I was being tested for lung cancer, but with no one else and did not share just how scared I was feeling. My wife and daughter knew I was having tests due to sudden weight loss but I would dismiss it as a precaution.

Just take it one day at a time.

Yeah, I've woken up this morning realised it's probably not such a big deal as I thought last night. Think I was probably just tired as it was quite late and it was unexpected.

It's both our laptop, but I'll let her know still know.

I think you're doing great... concentrate on being the best person you can be, it's not a bad idea to show her what she's missing, but if it doesn't work you will be reaping the benefits of a better more active lifestyle regardless,

All the best

Been a rough few days, yesterday packing my stuff and today finally moving out (albeit only for two weeks til we swap).

We had a bit of a tearful chat before I left. She apologised for everything
, told me it wasn't just my fault, she took me for granted, wore me down, that she could have been more receptive when I tried.
I told her she gave me plenty of opportunities to try harder, I could have been more perceptive to her unhappiness and that I was going to miss her.
It's the little things that I'm going to miss about her, like how I'm going to miss her in pyjamas cos I know how much she loves a good pair of comfy pjs.

Finally she told me that she hopes we can be friends and to take as much time as I need. That she will always love me as the girls father but she is no longer in love with me, and that I had to stop putting her up on a pedestal as I will find someone who will really make me happy. Pretty heartbreaking.

Our 4yr old took in more than we realised, even though she was in bed well before I left she had started crying and said she was upset about mummy and daddy but couldn't tell us why.

Hopefully this will be my last post of this sort, going to try and look forward, fed up of feeling like this, it's going to be hard but I haven't got much choice now.

I really hope you can make your new arrangement work, if you can both put the past aside it will be possible....it sounds like she is willing to do what is best for your little one and acknowledges that your role as a father is of equal importance.

All the best

Its feels like its been a long week. Just kinda going through the motions really, trying not to let myself feel like [censored] - not been majorly successful there. My plans to go and see some friends down south in a couple of weeks have cancelled as they are away, my next opportunity isnt til March, which just seems like an absolute age away!
Completely fed up the the amount of alone time I have right now, My mind running off on tangents and wild fantasies about what might change or what my future could be, which is absolutely terrifiying right now. The wost is when I start getting reflective on the relationship. Oh well.
Feel completely stuck in a rut, I can't see anything changing for the next couple of months. Just want this sh*t to be over.

I've got a question and would like any advice and opinions..

When my ex goes to see her new guy, she actually tells me she is going to see another friend. sometimes she genuinely will be, but I know there are times when this isn't the case.
Now I know she is doing this for my benefit so as not to rub it in my face, but it feels like [censored] when I know she is lying to me and it feels like she is sneaking around (even though I know she isn't).

Am I better off not knowing or just asking her to be honest with me?

...perhaps it might be better if she doesn't specify her reason for going out, it should be enough just to let you know she's going out... You may not feel that there is any deceit and she may feel better not having to.