[Solved] Recently seperated

Hi there and welcome to the forum,

I would imagine that things will start to sink in more when youbstart telling more people and especially the children, as insure they will be effected.

You will probably have some difficult times ahead, so make sure you look after yourself, make sure you and and sleep properly, it's easy to forget and give all of your attention to your children and allow yourself to suffer but if you don't look after yourself then you won't be much support for them.

Feel free to ask anything you want, and we will try and help you, you can use us for advice or just to chat too

GTTS

Ok, so I'm about to finish work and I've just received a text saying she needs to "talk to me when I get back and I'm not going to like it". I don't know what this means, my stomach is in knots and my mind is jumping to conclusions!

So I get back and she tells me she has been seeing someone for the past week. Swears that nothing happened before we split up. I figured out pretty quickly that it was the tech guy from her theatre group, and she didn't deny that there was any possible build up to it before we split.

I walked out without saying much more. Sent a few texts back and forth but not much to say. I don't know what to do now. I'm really angry and hurt.

We're separated now, do I have any right to be angry with her?

Update- its nearly 2.30am now, been a few hours since she told me, I went to see a friend, tell him all that's happened recently and vent about.
I came back to the house and we had a chat, not really productive, I still feel like [censored]. I know she feels bad about this and I wanted to be spiteful and say stuff to try and make her feel anywhere near the way I do. I didn't, I managed to keep most of it in though I admit a few unnecessary comments slipped out.

I understand that she has been out of this marriage for longer than I have and has had time to adjust, but it just feels like she has gotten over everything instantly. shouldn't she have let more time pass? For my sake at least, or is that me being selfish?

Feels like I'm trying to fight someone for her affection yet I know I have no place there anymore. I want to go out and find someone straight away to prove I don't need her, that she is the one losing out. I know better and I'm not going to, I know it's only to try and hurt her which I don't want to do. Just feels like she should be feeling [censored] like I am!

Hi There,
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This must have been a real blow for you and I can fully understand how you are feeling.
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This is going to completely change the way things are between you and living together is going to be a lot harder now, as you say you are both in different places over the break up, I would imagine that she has started seeing this chap almost as a rebound not that, that makes it any easier for you to deal with.
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Living under the same roof will be difficult, and I'm sure without listing the new issues you can already see what they will be for yourself.
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What are your thoughts about how things should move on from here? are you wanting to stay in the same house as her?
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GTTS

I managed to get a few hours sleep last night. Got a banging headache now. Last night I was running on anger, today I'm feeling very low, no motivation and I've cried for the first time since we seperated.

Honestly I don't know what to do moving forward. I'm feeling very lost, I was coping before this but now everything feels like complete bs! If I move out then that means being away from the girls, and I don't know if that's another blow I can deal with at the moment.

Life's not fair, I know that. But it's not fair that should I have to feel like complete s**t while she is moving on, she was the one who wanted all this not me and I'm the one who is left in a complete mess. (Sorry for being dramatic!)

Hi There,
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It's not dramatic, it's how you are feeling and it's understandable at the moment, and it's why we are here, we are here for support and advice, but also as a sounding bar, to air your frustrations over what you are going through.
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I really feel for you as you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment, I don't know which way I would go if I'm honest, but I don't know that I could stay in the same house while she moved on, I know you want to be near your girls, but how will the two of you living together while this goes on effect them in the long run? they are going to experience the fall out of this no matter how careful you are to protect them from it as they will pick up on the mood in the house.
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GTTS

it's been difficult, very tough to find any motivation at all and feeling very low. I'm good at putting a face on things at work so I don't think anyone there is any the wiser, I'm planning on telling my boss in the next week, just so he knows what's happening.
I sent her a long text last night telling her how difficult this all is, how useless I am feeling, how I can't look after this house on my own, how I'm sorry I've failed her as a husband.
How I don't know know if I can share a house with her while I still love her and she is seeing someone else, it's pretty messed up. She has said she will do whatever makes things easier for me but hates being away from the girls too (she has been spending nights at friends house when possible to give me space), and will support my decision.

I'm so low at the moment I'm not looking after myself. I'm barely eating, not sleeping much just flicking through the tv, no motivation to do anything, work is a slight distraction but as I'm still new I don't have a full workload yet, it's worst when I'm on my own with my own thoughts.
I think I need to leave but I don't want to. I'm no good to my girls in this state, doing just enough to look after them. Unfortunately I don't have anywhere to go. My brother is back from abroad and needs the spare room at my folks til he finds somewhere to live so I'm kinda stuck.

I kinda wish I still felt angry, it's a much easier emotion to channel!

I'm going out for a few drinks with a friend shortly, so that will be a good distraction, and may help me sleep when I get back!

Hi There,
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I really feel for you are you are going through it at the moment.
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You really do need to ensure you are eating at least if nothing else, I know how difficult that can be, as I have been in the same place, I found eating small amounts throughout the day helped, I couldn't face a full meal.
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I think telling your boss is a good idea, even more so as you haven't been there long as they need to know what is going on at home.
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GTTS

Hi there

It's a really tough time for you at the moment, lots of guys here have been where you are now, like GTTS says....it's so important that you look after the basics such as eating and getting enough sleep and taking smaller, more frequent meals is a good idea.

Try getting out of the house with your girls, fresh air and exercise is good for you all. Talking to your boss is also a good idea, hopefully he will offer some support.

I think, inevitably moving out will probably be the best option, to allow you to move forward, perhaps you and your brother could house share....change is scary but can also be liberating. It's early days yet though and my advice is to take each day as it comes, look after yourself and try not to over think,...easier said than done.

We will do as much as we can to be here for you and talking to you parents and asking them for support would help to....keep talking.

All the best

Update time. Not much has changed, still feel rubbish. Went out to the pub for New Years, watched the band play which was good but it hit midnight and I was on my own and...yeah. Couple of girls took pity on me, asked me how I was doing, tried to distract me for the rest of the night which was nice of them., nothing happened, didn't want it to, even if had I doubt they would have been interested in that sad mess.

The other night at work I knew it was stupid but my mind wouldn't stop running away with possibilities of how we could get back together, maybe if I done this or that it could work out again! Yeah not helpful I know.
I had also looked back and realised how I hadn't tried hard enough, I thought I was at the time but I should have tried harder. Thinking that I need to do enough that she will start to reciprocate isn't enough, I should have just given given given, if I think I'd done enough do more! Do whatever I had to until she was happy! I would do so much differently now. Like they say hind sight is a [censored].

I also realised what one of my problems was, I didn't have a life outside of this house, this marriage. I would wake up a dad/husband, go to work come back, come back be a dad/husband, cook, clean, tidy, repeat. Most of my friends have either moved away or the ones still here I've lost contact with. I don't have any clubs I'd groups that I attend outside of this house. Part of that problem is I'm a naturally very quiet guy, I don't talk to people easily until I get to know them. That knowledge scared the [censored] out of me when I think about the future!

Not much more to say really, motivation is non existent. I get free gym access through work, I need to arrange my induction so I can start attending but like I say, motivation.

Hi There,
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I think you will always wonder what you could have done differently, but in reality, there is still a chance that what ever you had done, the out come would have been the same, if your partner was at the point of not wanting to try and was just going through the motions, then even if it had been further down the line, I think you would have still been in the same situation.
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I would try and do the gym as soon as you can, I know motivation will be difficult, but going to the gym will help you in so many ways, you should feel more confident, have more energy during the day and be able to sleep easier at night. I know it helped me a lot,
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GTTS