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Hi all. I don't know what I'm expecting from posting this but here goes...
6th of March my wife gave me her rings and told me she didn't love me anymore. I know we've had problems in the past (disagreements, arguements etc) and we had a very sh.... year so far: operation on my knee, car crash, another operation, me not getting the promotion (job I've been doing for the last 2 years), miscarriage, my uncle having 2 strokes, her nan been diagnosed with terminal cancer etc etc. I wasn't expecting it. Things have been stressful over the last 12-18 months becuase of things putting a strain of our relationship including the house I've been trying to renovate and living as our own family with her parents and our son.
Between the 6th and the 26th she let me down slowly from 'not in love but wanted to make ago of it' to 'not in love, divorce and not wanting to make a go of it'. I arranged counselling for us but just before the first session she told me she liked someone else and had done for 3 months or so. That sent my mind into a spin and i didn't eat or sleep properly for weeks. To be honest I've lost nearly 2 stone in 3 weeks and I'm having about 4 or 5 hrs of sleep a night with nightmares.
During this time i did things I am shamed of. For example I cracked her phone and read her text messages. By doing this i found out that on the 27th she kissed Goaty (this bloke she fancies) and went on a date with him. I owned up to her a week later about checking her texts and she told me all about him. Since then I've looking after our Son whilst she's been going on more dates with him. She's also been a very driven person and she's going full pelt into this new relationship. She denies it's a relationship (?!) to everyone, but all her family know and are angry with her but she's fine with it.
So why this post? I guess I'm looking for advice.
Firstly, i made vows to her in front of God, our families / friends and most importantly our Son to her. I don't want our marriage to end but i recognise our relationship has. I want to start (and i want her to start too) a new relationship with me and be a family unit again but i don't know how to do that. I love her more than any other woman alive and i never thought this would happen.
Secondly, as I've mentioned before the last year or so has been very stressful and after doing a stock take of who I am i don't like what i see anymore. I'm 37, with half a son, no money (it's all in the house), smoker with poor health. I can't do much about the age or having 50/50 parenting with my son but i want to change me to be a better person. I've the majority of my life so far been unhappy and i want that the change. I thought it had when i met her. I don't want to be unhappy anymore, i want to enjoy life (hopefully with her and our son again) be a good person and most of all a good father. I want to get fit, give up smoking and become the person i want to be but there are so any areas i want to improve on. I don't know where to start
Thirdly and most importantly my son. I want to create a stable environment for him and me. I want us to carry on been a family unit when he's with me and i don't want what's happening to affect him. She might be the most important woman in my heart / life but he's the most important person. At present I'm living in a building site and only get to see him at her folks place which is unbearable. I know i have to finish the house and sold so i can buy a place of my own but it's difficult.
Lastly, when i do the have my son i want to have a life. I moved down here becuase this is where she wanted to be and for our son to have the most stable up bringing i need to stay in the same locality. But I've been so focused on 'us' and our future here for the last 3 years I've listed touch when my friends at home and i know no one down here (except the vicar!)
So that's my ramblings, hopefully I've been able to communicate my position and i would love any advice or help anyone can offer. I don't know what to do to fix things or make me happy anymore. I've been so focused on our future, my wife and our son
Hi There,
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I think it may be useful for you to get some help, maybe some councelling of your own, if you don't feel that this is suitable them maybe speak with your vicar, he may also be able to help you, and to be honest sometimes it's not proffesional help that does the most amount of good it can be just as much help to just talk things trough with someone.
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I think although you don't want it to be, your relationship is over, she has moved on and even though that is tough to hear, it seems to be the case, she isn't bothered about what her family think and is focued on this relationship she is building, and with that being the case you need to focus on you and your son now and start to build a life around that.
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I would visit your GP and ask for help and advice on your health and stopping smoking if thats an area you feel un happy with, the doctor could help to suggest ways to improve your health and I know they can offer support with stopping smoking.
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You could also join a gym, the excersise would not only improve your health but should also help you to sleep.
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GTTS
Hey GTTS
Thanks for the advice. Your not the only one who has pointed that out to me. I think your right, though she did express doubts a week ago she quickly quashed them within acouple of days.
It's time for me to focus on creating a new life for my son and me. Just never saw this coming and i never thought it would happen like this. Especially looking after our son whilst she's off on a date with this new guy.
Hi there
GTTS has given you some good advice, start with yourself and getting you in a better place. If there are different things you are unhappy with, then tackle them one at a time. Make an appointment with the stop smoking clinic and have a chat to your GP about your unhappiness...they can arrange counselling if that's what is best.
Joining the gym will help with your health and a good work out will help with your insomnia. If you are having difficulty eating a meal, you can eat a little more often, it's important you keep your strength up for your sons sake, and dealing with the basics like eating and getting enough sleep are integral to this.
All the best