Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information β open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you β or someone you know β are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi
My 26 year old relationship has/is ending. I still love and am in-love with my wife but my trust in her has been totally destroyed. I realise that I can't live continuously wondering where she is, what she is 'really' doing and with who? I am reting hard to move on and get on with my life.
I'm still at home; livining the the spare room and we are trying to agree how best to proceed. I still have one child at school and another just about to start at a local college. We have always been a 'together' family so me moving out completely will be devastating, especially to my youngest. We are currently thinking of me away for 3-4 days a week and in the spare room the rest.
To cut a long story short, for the last few weeks I've been out and about and enjoying single life. No 'women', just friends (although some women friends) and time to do what I want, when I want, with whom I want, without questions. Exactly what my wife said she wanted - at the start of our break-up.
Last Saturday I was feeling a bit down and my younger sister pushed me to go out with her. It was a small reunion of her school friends. My met someone I knew 30 years ago and really, really like her. I am strongly attracted to her and the feeling is mutual. We went out for a meal on Wednesday and had a great time. Nothing happend, although I know it could have; I'm just not ready and she was respectful of my feelings. I have told her I need to take things slow and she is fine with this; she seems to really understand me.
My worry is that 'rebound' relationships always seem to fail and I would really like this to work. I am very picky with women and haven't seen anyone (let alone met) anyone that I find attractive. This lady is beautiful and has the personality to match. I realise that my mind is probably playing tricks on me and that she has flaws but I'd really like to give this relationship a chance to develop.
How slow is slow? My natural urge is to run into this and I am using all my self-control to limit things - I don't want to smother her. How do I develop 'new' feelings for her rather than just transplant my feeling for my (ex) wife?
She has struggled with finances and works 2 jobs to keep her head above the water (then does a 3rd for charity). I could end the struggle easily but I realise is isn't my place yet, but instinct is to help.
She has problems with her family; I just listened and held her hand - just being there for someone that needed a friend was enough. I feel a million times better when I am with her. I know this is what a rebound relationship is - its my emotionally 'fix'. I just really like the lady and see a possibility of a future...and I don't want to hurt her.
Any advice would be really appreciated
Ultimately, it's down to how you feel, but just because it's the first relationship after your marriage, doesn't mean it's on the rebound or doomed to fail. You also know this lady well, so there's none of the awkwardness in a new relationship.
However, the question I'd really ask is what are your choices? You could decide it's on the rebound and you don't want to take that risk, so walk away, or you can be honest with her and with yourself and see where it goes. I know which I'd do π
Thanks actd. Seeing her again today. π
I feel so much happier when I'm around her. Going to take things as slowly as I can and try do let things develop naturally.
Hi Orion
I believe that as long as you are honest with the new lady, you just go for it, but I would stress the honesty with her. You don't know where its going to go until you take action. Just "go with the flow"! π
It's mad how things work out, I would be as honest as possible and see where they go.
I met my wife and I wasn't expecting much other than maybe a short term relationship, we have been together now for 3 years so you never know where things will go.
GTTS
I've seen her three times now - she knows everything and still wants to keep seeing me.
Last Sunday we had a great day just spending time listening to music, drinking wine and watching TV. I was about to go and thins moved up a gear (several actually). I wasn't expecting anything and it was a little surprising but honestly - it was great.
I'd love to see more of her but work and schedules are limitiing our time together - just speaking and texting a lot.
I'm really happy and content. Bizarre in that my wife now seems to want me but whilst I still love her (and if I'm totally honest am still a bit in love with her) I don't trust her at all and can't see a future with her as my partner. I've rejected her advances which only seems to make her try harder - which is frustrating.
Seeing my new Lady again in a couple of days and wishing time would just move on quickly.
Not too bizarre that your ex wants you - she has seen that you are attractive to someone else, and also that you aren't dependant on her, so she's feeling insecure. Be very careful of your own feelings.
Thanks actd.
I've seen her a few more times now - simple things like going to the pictures or having dinner are so enjoyable. I'd forgotten how much fun simple things could be.
It is hard to take things slowly because I'm having so much fun and enjoying life so much. I have been totally honest with my new lady and she seems to really understand - with her there is zero pressure and for the first time in my life I can be myself and totally relax.
Even whilst I was married I was always forced to compromise - we liked different things etc. I have so much in common with my new lady that I don't have to; I can just be myself.
Stupid things such as listening to 'my' music or watching 'my' films are no longer a negotiation - I can't believe how different my life could have been.
Yes, I know there is a honeymoon period in every relationship and I know that because this one is so quick it has a higher then normal probability of failure...but I'm trying to live life for the day and see that maybe I have a chance for happiness in the long run. A few weeks ago, I had none.
...I wouldn't give the probability of failure any houseroom at all! Living life for the day is just right in my opinion and there's no reason why you shouldn't look forward....grasp that chance of happiness with both hands Orion!
well, I met a new lady within a couple of weeks of telling my ex I wanted a divorce, that lasted about 4 months (her choice more than mine) and then met someone else within a month, proposed 2 weeks later, and last week we went away for the weekend to celebrate out 10th wedding anniversary π
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We donβt like to set βrulesβ, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.