[Solved] Really need advice

It really is annoying. I’ve tried the legal route before, he was going on about how I’d stop him seeing our son so I went to my solicitor and asked her to draft a document detailing how much mai tai emcee he paid, what days he had him and a timeframe for overnight visits to start.

I thought this was the right thing to do but he refuses to sign it. He’s said again this time that he won’t sign anything. I think it’s because he knows that the way things stand now, he can muck me about and there’s very little I can do, except stop access which id never do.

Even if he had signed the draft plan it wouldn’t have been legally binding, although it does show intent. What a pity he won’t work with you.

I guess you could try the court route, just to get the arrangement defined, but you would still have to attempt mediation first. If he continued to miss scheduled contact once a court order was in place, there wouldn’t be anything you could do, but if you stopped scheduled contact once an order was in place, you would be in breach and he could apply to have the order enforced.

I’m really glad to hear that you won’t stop contact, as that punishes the child too... most Dads here would give their right arm to have any kind of relationship with their kids.

All the best

Yeah you’re right. A court agreement would hold me more accountable than it would him, not that I mind that as I’m not planning on changing dates etc.

I just feel between a rock and a hard place. I’d never stop my son having a relationship with his dad but it appears as if I’m going to have to put up with both me and my son being let down by him and there is t really much I can do about it.

I’m also pregnant with my second baby (same father) and worry about him stepping up when she is born too. I’d love to have a good relationship where he can come round and put them to bed etc as it would help me but more importantly be good for the kids but I can’t see him being reliable enough. It’s so disappointing.

...it appears your split is fairly recent, without wishing to pry, or make assumptions, could it be that there’s some residual bitterness and hurt preventing you both from moving forward...that the passing of time might help to resolve?

Relationship breakdown can be likened to a bereavement and as with grief, it goes through various stages before acceptance is reached... denial, anger, bargaining... but there’s no set pattern and knowing your own phases of grief can help normalise your break up experience. It takes time, don't lose heart and be kind to yourself.

A fall back position might be in your best interests at the moment, changing your approach might break the impasse

I really do hope he will come round... all the best.