[Solved] Really need advice

Hi there

We welcome all parents here and anyone with a problem can ask for advice and we will do our best to help.

Unfortunately, there’s little that anyone can do to make a parent take more interest in their child.

You mention his family, could you not speak to them and explain how important it is that your child has a routine and sees both sides of his family as much as possible. Perhaps you could arrange contact with them directly.

Have you tried talking to your ex about how you feel? If you rely on him to pick your son up, perhaps you could change the arrangements and drop your child off with him instead?

Without knowing more, it’s difficult to give specific advice, but I would say that sometimes a change of approach can help... being flexible isn’t such a bad thing, that said, I’m not defending him if he constantly lets his child down.

All the best

Thanks for getting back to me. So a bit more info-

My son is 9 months, My ex has always had his son from 10-5 on a Sunday. Any days he needs to swap, I have obliged. His mother also sees my son on Wednesdays, 10-5. She has a habit of cancelling last minute which I haven’t said anything about as I feel that it’s not her responsibility and I don’t want to make her feel pressured.

This weekend my ex can’t have his son. For the first time, I said that I couldn’t cover it as a Sunday is his responsibility and I have plans. His mum said she would cover the day. Today, I’m told she can’t have him as she’s going away for the day.

I’ve told my ex that this isn’t good enough, one of them will have to have my son as I have plans and it’s my day not to worry about childcare. He’s basically just said tough.

I want to come and go and be reasonable but I’m not happy with this. I think I might get some legal advice but I just wondered d anyone on here might have some suggestions.

As frustrating as it must be, I’m afraid that as you are the primary carer, your child’s needs override any arrangements you’ve made.

Seeking legal advice won’t change that, you can’t make your ex or his family have contact if they are refusing to.

Even a court order for contact states that the parent the child lives with must make the child available for contact, it doesn't state that the non resident parent must honour contact arrangements.

Your child is still very young, caring for him alone is hard work and I appreciate that you look forward to some down time, do you have family or friends that can help out?

It might be helpful if you try mediation to agree a parenting plan, you can explain that a defined schedule of contact is what is best for your child, settling into a routine will help him feel safe and secure. You can also point out that you also look forward to having a little time to yourself and would really appreciate being able to make plans without worrying that you may have to cancel.

It’s all about give and take and yes, flexibility does come into it too. Hopefully you will be able to work out a way through this and settle into a routine.

Best of luck

this is the most annoying part of arrangements. arguing on a weekly basis, schedules changing week-week. i could not tolerate that for long, so i took the legal route. atleast then theres a well defined and structured schedule for child arrangements. maybe you could both try mediation and come up with a good schedule to stick to. all depends on how reasonable you both are.