[Solved] Ramblings...

Hi Kamui

You said at the start that yours has been for the most part a long distance relationship for many years. During that pre baby time did you every discuss the future, moving in together and starting a family.

It might be a good idea to write to her and put all your feelings down in a letter. I can understand why she might be reluctant to move away from her parents and the area she lives....but it does sound as if she might be quite dependent on them.

At a year old it's quite possible he is still being breastfed, but it should be more of a supplementary feed and he should be moving onto solid foods, which would allow more independence from his mother. He may seem clingy and cries for his mum when you are holding him but he may be picking up on your anxiety about the situation...it can be a vicious circle. The fact that you aren't seeing him regularly won't be helping either.

You could try mediation or Relate to try and start talking, you both need to sit down together and talk about your situation and what you both want for the future. If she is reluctant to talk to you then perhaps the assistance of a trained mediator or relationship counsellor could be the answer.

Here's a couple of links to both services

www.nfm.org.uk

www.relate.org.uk

Best of luck with it. 🙂

Thanks for the reply 🙂

We did talk about moving in together etc just sadly what i was lead to believe was the plan turned out to be something different.

I know that she is planning on putting him in daycare and that her parents are looking after him when she goes to work etc so hopefully he will become a bit more independent although its trying to sort something out that gives me and my family a bit more access/freedom but as there seems to be a lack of willingness to discuss feels like it doesnt leave many options 🙁 and then there are the things that i'm not being told about like what daycare he will be going to, when she is going back to work, and various other bits

Rather than start a new topic i might aswell use this...

Firstly, didn't realize it was so long ago when i did the first post and in these many months, alot and nothing has changed..

I think it was a couple of weeks after my post our son was diagnosed with health issues which, whilst still ongoing the main cause has been sorted. During that time the relationship ended due to the lack of involvement, communication etc which in turn you find out the hospitals dont really deal with the father and keep informed with the health of the child, so ive had a terrible time during all of this not getting to spend time with him or really know whats going on and having to keep chasing up everywhere just to find out whats going on.

Now whilst this has all being going on i havent pushed that much on everything apart from either trying to resolve the issues with the mother or just trying to get my own time with my son which is all generally ignored or refused. As she lives with her parents, she tells me i can come up to there and see him but im not allowed to take him out, have him on my own etc which means everytime i see him, it is spent with her and her family

A while ago i started doing a parenting plan on splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk which a couple of weeks ago i finished off and sent the requests to the mother, and like everything else is being ignored. I was looking at printing off a copy and posting it to her recorded along with a blank template but i don't hold hopes for it doing anything. I'm guessing mediation is the next step as nothing has worked so far, my question with mediation is, as we live a distance apart, how does it work/where do i go? will i need to find a service around her area as if i find one locally im almost certain she would refuse to travel for it (im guessing thats how it works?)

Hi, yes generally mediation (and court if it goes there) is generally expected to be near to where the parent with care lives, so it is going to be near the mother.

have you looked at this site as mojo suggested above? www.nfm.org.uk