Primary Caregiver and Earner during split

Sorry to hear that.  Before going down the court route perhaps you could try mediation.  Recommend you use an accredited mediator and you can find one through the Family Mediation Council.  You can also use one for financial matters.  If you decide to use court, which is a long process, then there are some helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website

Hi. Maybe you can write up a separation agreement/parenting plan. If she were to move out and the kids remain with you, that would set a status quo.then if it ended up in court, kids would likely remain living with you.

Thank you so much for these responses and the speed of replies. Will check out suggestions, thanks

Posted by: @paternalflame

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Hello, hoping someone has been through a similar experience to myself and can offer some advice.

We have 2 youngish children and my wife is not at all maternal, whereas i am very paternal. She intended to give up her job as air hostess once she had children but struggled so much to adjust to parenthood that she begged to go back flying. I was left in a difficult situation but ultimately stepped up to take on even more of the burden to allow her to be happy and have a part of her old life back, accepting that this was best way to keep our family together and provide stability for the kids.

After some years virtually killing myself with looking after 2 young children almost half the time on my own whilst working 5 days a week, the stress has taken a toil on our relationship and there appears we are heading only one way.

I want what's best for the kids and believe it's clear that am the primary provider, caregiver and the biggest constant for them, but would court see it that way if it ended up in a disagreement? I can probably afford to buy her out of the property up to 50% split, but i think i can prove I've paid 70% of all the expenses while also being there for the kids virtually every day and night, which is something she cannot claim. I wish to understand which way the courts would likely go so we can have a sensible conversation in the knowledge that i would surely be entitled to more of the house and to dictate where the kids stay more often? Is evidence of her not being here a large percentage of time enough to prove that?

To be clear, i want her to be able to see them any day she wishes within reason, but I think the best thing for them is to maintain stability so want them to stay with me in the family house during school week to keep routine.

Thanks in advance.

Hey there, I can hear how tough things are right now. Courts generally prioritize the kids' well-being above all else, so your role as the primary caregiver and your wife's involvement will definitely factor in. It might be worth chatting with a family lawyer to get a clearer picture of your options and how best to approach this.

Hello again, thanks to those who previously replied. Just a quick update and follow up question if anyone can help!

So, my ex has such a twisted sense of reality that mediation seems a stretch. I've worked figures and i can take over the house and current mortgage on own salary but can't afford to pay close to half the equity... So we are kinda stuck living in same house (the time she is actually here anyway) and she won't budge until she gets half the equity essentially. Trying mediation but she's not going to relent on her demands so looking likely to go to court.

My question is, can i raise a child arrangement order before we are living in separate places? Or do we have to sort financial break first and get agreement on where we are living? All the guidance suggests that they are different processes but ultimately if she had 50% custody say, then my claim to the living in the house and having a mesher etc is surely impacted, so they seem to be linked somewhat. Want to know which one to do first, and don't want to spend thousands on a solicitor to interpret what should be straightforward law. 

Thanks in advance. 

@paternalflame hi, yes you can apply for CAO, but court will first expect you to try mediation with ex. See if possible to agree arrangement in mediation. Then you can make it legally binding, seeking a consent order from courts.

There is a framework for a parenting plan on the CAFCASS website.  You could complete this with your proposal to start discussions.  Have you done the course which can be found at the top of the page?

Thanks @bill337 and @champagne.

Have done parenting plan and have done MIAM, and have appropriate form to do CAO. She's agreed to do mediation but she thinks it's appropriate to be away 15 days a month to suit what she wants and the other 15 days will be the days she has them, leaving me to change mine and girls schedule to suit her job. I also have some slight welfare concerns and evidence to prove it (sleeping while watching them as an example).

So I'm left with little choice other than going for CAO unfortunately because she won't accept less than 50% custody and she won't change her job - that is best for the children.

What course are you referring to Champagne?

Link wasn't showing during reply but found course link on main page, so will check it out thank you