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Hi all,
Would like to ask for any advice and/or peoples experiences if you have experienced the issues I'm struggling with.
Here's how it is.
I worked with my gf before we became a couple for over a year and have slowly fell for each other with out realising it. There was a great chemistry between us and lots of people have noticed it apart from ourselfs. Eventually we started seeing each other and had a few 'fun' nights and when I left the company we carried on seeing each other. I helped her move flats and really clicked on. Her mum saw me helping her and said that she had a lot of respect for me and really liked me (also mentioned it to my gf sister who she got jealous as her mum didnt say anything the same about her bf).
We made it official between us and told each other one night that we actually loved each other and not had the same feelings with other people before. I meant it and believe she did too. She was poorly at times with tonsolities however it didnt changed the way I felt for her. She booked an op for this however we found out that she got pregnant. We were in the view at the time abortion was the right call however on the day of her tonsoles op, we realised we loved this child and counldn't go ahead with abortion (docs did reject the op as they said she was 6 weeks pregnant, we met at night and realised we actually wanted this child).
Here's the issues now:
1) after we told her mum, she said great (she was against abortion at the begining) however started emailing her that I would be one of these people that would abduct this child cause she read on a magasin about asian people doing this??? (I come from a mix race family, dads white and no way would i ever think this!) Since shes always been against me thinking I'm stealing her daughter away, I disagree and actually want to be friends with her mum! I want my child to have a grandmother!
2) From the pressure of family, I had a nervouse break down and spent a few days in a mental hospital. I've left and now on the road to recovery and have got my head on the right tracks now. This has put pressure on the relationship however since being back e have been good together. Result though is I now only live her part time which is a strain. I love her and feel like i'm suffering from anxiety.
3)She's ill now with tonsolities again and also got a scare on Monday saying that we may lose the child now. there's low amiotic fluid and next monday there's another check to see if things are ok. Docs orders are bed rest and lots of fluids. I spent last night with her helping her and caring for her (pour drinks, get food etc) however she feels guilty and told me to go away as she wants to take care of her self. After a lil discussion I gave in and left. However her mum is seeing her for a lil bit, wonder what she will say!!
Finally I truely love this girl and proud shes having my first child, she says she loves me however the space is needed (even during illness!) and I'm struggling to come to terms with that. If we get bad news on Monday, I still want to be with her however would like to try again after we can settle down a bit more. She's currently 14 weeks now.
Any advice/help is much appreciated!!
thanks,
A
Hi and welcome
It really sounds like you both want to give this a go, but there is outside pressure, which can be difficult to resist. I think it would be worth discussing with your g/f the option of going to see Relate (there is a link at the bottom of the this website) and see if you can find a way to work together to save the relationship.
Hi ACTD,
I'm currently going for counselling for the break down I had and did see the option of couple counselling and have suggested it. However already had the answer of 'I'm ok and don't need any of that'. The other issue we do have as well is time, she works and I'm at university (at the moment I'm waiting for my final year to start so I have time) so to have time (apart from the evenings) is very limited. She's quite poorly so any counselling will have to be done in the comfort of the house at the minute when ever I go there to see her.
Kind regards,
A
It might be worth having a word with Relate anyway to get their opinion - tell them what you have just said here, so they know the situation - I'm sure it's something they will have come across before.