[Solved] PND?

I'm sorry to hear about this.

Maybe all that she needs is for you to be there available and willing to listen to her. I would try that, just attentively listening, not try to tell her to change anything, simply reinforcing that you are available for her and let her say everything she needs to say. Then tell her she is a great mom and your baby is lucky to have her as a mom.

If you find that is not working, I would consider talking to the health visitor and/or GP, but it would reinforce your relationship if you are able to deal with it together.

Congratulations on the baby daughter.

Cheers mate.

I do listen, I guess I probably do try and "fix" it as well - natural male reaction!

I'll try just listening and not answering.

I do tell her how amazing she is but I don't think she believes me. She see's me not struggling and I think that makes it worse even though I have admitted even I find it tough, how could anyone not!?

She's sent me a message this morning though saying she thinks she'll be ok and apologising - saying she's sorry . Told she doesn't need to say sorry, just focus on herself and talk to me more.

Sure we'll get there - just needed to get it all off my chest really.

If things to get worse I will call the health visitor - just don't want her to think I'm going behind her back.

Yeah, I'd definitely say don't try to "fix" it.

Should also make it very clear that I have no experience with PND whatsoever, so another thing i would do in your shoes would be to get an account on mumsnet and ask for advise from women who have actually been there.

Hi there

Congratulations on your new arrival.

Here's a couple of links, to PANDAS (for PND) and Mind. Both offer advice and information about PND and what you can do about it.

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk

They have a helpline and can offer help and support for people and their families going through PND

Here's a link to Mind who can also help and support through this, here's a link

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/type...natal-mental-health/

I agree that it might be a good idea to go and have a word with your daughters Health Visitor and perhaps your GP too about the current situation and your concerns. If you get on well with her mum, would you be able to speak to her in confidence? It's worth knowing if your wife is down playing how she feels to her mum and useful for her mum to know the full facts do that she can help and support her.

PND usually develops within six weeks of giving birth and the earlier it's diagnosed and the correct treatments put in place, the better. The symptoms can range from mild to severe, so if it is PND it could be something that can be helped with talking therapies.

All the best

Mojo - thank you for those links - will check them out.

Had a better day yesterday despite it being challenging with our daughters reflux.

Will keep an eye on how it progresses and if needs be speak to the HV.

Thanks all.

Worst day today. I'm working from home and all she (wife) has done all day is cry.

I've been looking after our daughter all day while trying to work.

I asked her whats wrong and she's said she wants to die/leave, Wishes our daughter had never been born, hates my family, hates her family. Thinks they're all judging her.Already said she doesn't want to go to my mums for xmas. And this is the tip of it - she won't tell the rest as"you won't want to hear it" - I've saod I'd rather her tell me than bottle it up - I can take it.

I've told her to talk to someone but she point blank refuses.

If I speak to the HV and they came round she'll just front it out like she does in front of everyone else. Really don't know what to do for the best. I'm dreading going to work now tomorrow because it'll just make everything worse.

Everything thing I suggest gets thrown back in my face.

I'm so sorry to hear this, really your only option is to talk to someone....if you don't and something happens you will never forgive yourself. What about a family member, wouldn't they go and spend the day with her tomorrow if you explain how desperate the situation is at the moment?

Do you think she would harm hesrself or the baby? I know it nots something that you want to contemplate but I'm sure it must have crossed your mind too.

Could you take some unpaid compassionate leave?

Hi Mojo.

I really don't think she'd ever actually harm herself or the baby,

I don't know how much of it was just down to tiredness. I did all the feeds last night and this morning she was fine.

I would have stayed at home again if I genuinely though she would do anything.

It's just a complete mind f**k - times like yesterday I don't know whats going on/ what to do, then today she's like a different person! I don't know if she's just being over dramatic because she's getting so tired. She's never been a brilliant sleeper anyway,

Don't know if I'm blowing it out of proportion as well - just feels good to rant on here!

Will see how the next few days go and take it from there,

Thanks for "listening"!

So sorry to read your post. Listening rather than trying to 'fix' is probably a good way forward, as is having lots of patience. She could just be settling into being a new mum, but equally she could have the PND you suspect. Trying to reach out to her mum or HV are probably a good start. Good luck going forward.

The thing about listening instead of trying to fix it, is that while it may seem that it's not making a difference now, at some point she is going to turn a corner, and I think she'll remember what you are doing now, and hopefully appreciate it at that point.

Best wishes

So - update.

Turns out it's not PND. Just she never wanted to have a baby in the first place.

She hates everything about being a mum now, and resents me because, apparently, she only went through it to keep me happy. She's miserable all the time, snappy at me,

Really not sure what to do now. My first thought is to tell her we should get divorced and I'll have custody. Makes sense as far as I can see - she gets her life back and can be happy again.

Need to do some research in to child care costs now I guess!