Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello folks,
This is my first post on this Forum so go easy with me. 🙂
I apologise in advance as this may drag on, but I have nowhere to turn or no one to talk to so forgive me for venting, but I am hoping that others will have experiences with this?
I split with my ex-wife about 4 years ago and I am now in a new relationship with the most amazing woman I have ever met. We have an 11 month old son together who is the best! I have a 13 year old son from my previous relationship with whom I get to see once a week and he stays overnight.
Now, back in April 2015, whilst my girlfriend was pregnant, she was made redundant. Whilst unfortunate, we were not too concerned as I was in a high paid job and could support us all with no difficulties. Come October 2015, I was made redundant. This is where the story starts.
Going from a highly paid job and a good lifestyle to nothing (no redundancy pay) hit us hard. We had bills to pay and a newborn baby to support. I started my own business but it has not taken off really. I am not yet paying myself a wage and the debt is mounting. My Partner was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression and to be honest, everything is falling apart. We hardly speak and when we do, it usually turns into an argument about money. We could be talking about the weather and end up arguing about money. I am receiving constant phone calls from different companies looking to be paid but I have nothing to pay them with. I am currently overdrawn on my overdraft. We receive nothing from the Government due to me earning too much last year and will not get anything until April coming.
I am at a loss. I do not know where to go from here. I am applying for jobs but never getting anything back. I am constantly trying to get more work but to no avail. I know I am depressed but being stubborn, I will not see anyone about it. I have turned into an angry person. I hate the world at the moment. I used to be the life and sold of the party but now I have distanced myself from everyone. I have no friends. My family know a certain amount but not the full extent of the story. They think we are getting by which is so far from the truth.
I feel like a complete failure that I cannot support my family. My Partner is ready to walk with our son. My 13 year old son comes round and wants to go go-karting or to the cinema etc but I simply cannot afford it. Birthdays and Christmas etc are all coming up and I have no idea what I am going to do.
I am at my wits end with worry. I hardly sleep ( 2-3 hours a night) thinking about it!
I really think it's game over.
I apologise for spilling my life story, but I really do not know what to do or where to go from here.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Hi There,
.
Firstly please don't be sorry about talking about your worries, that is exactly what this forum is for, we support people when they need it most.
.
I think before anything else the first thing you need to do is make an appointment with your GP, Stop being stubborn It isn't a failure to be depressed and with what you have been through it's understandable that you are feeling this way. If you aren't sleeping then everything you have talked about will take a much higher toll on day to day living and it's probably adding to the reasons you argue with your partner as no doubt you will be snappy as we all get when we are tired.
.
Your GP may also be able to help with some counselling which I feel would also help you, especially if they could arrange some couples counselling for you and your partner.
.
I think at 13 your son is just about old enough to understand about money so maybe have a talk with him about things you don't have to go into full details but just an outline about where you are and that with money being so tight the things he wants to do just can't happen at the moment.
.
Please keep talking with us, we are here to help with any issues that are getting you down.
.
GTTS
Thanks!
I am booking a GP's appointment. Like you say, being stubborn won't help me in any way.
I will sit my 13yr old down and have a conversation with him to explain a few things.
I will also speak to my partner about some sort of counselling also to see if we can salvage anything of our relationship. There is still love there, just the arguing overshadows it I'm afraid. I love this woman so much so I need to make this work.
Thanks for the advice and I will certainly keep you updated.
Cheers.
Hi There,
.
I would see if you can get someone to look after the baby for a few hours and take your partner out, it doesn't have to cost money, take a picknic to the park and just try and have some time away from the stresses, tell your partner that for the hour or so that you are out, it's about the 2 of you having some time together and not about the money or job search or anything else.
.
You do need to talk about your issues but you also need some time as a couple too. I would say suggest some counselling and talk about that but then also talk about what things you can do for each other that will help, and then start with a picnic somewhere.
.
I'm glad you are going to see your GP I think that's important, make sure you are fully open with them and tell them everything no matter how hard it is, they will be there to help you, and if you hold back they won't get a full picture.
.
GTTS
I would contact www.stepchange.org - they are a debt management charity, and the sooner you contact them, the more chance you have of sorting out your debt. If you can get that under some sort of control, then that will take away one of the big stresses you are both under.
as Got-the t-shirt said i must say he has helped me out in the past and very supportive !
along with everyone els but he is the one that guided me throught my last relashonship .
he is proberly looking at this and saying i dont now you but thats because iv had to start a new account last one was Biggy1988 i think or biggy119
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.