[Solved] Not seen my baby daughter for 8 weeks 🙁

Hi Phatboytim,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine!

I've never seen my Daughter due to the Ex not wanting me to be a part of our Daughters life.

I'm going via the Court route at the moment, it's a very slow & frustrating process but I can't see any other way without having the Police knocking on my door & arresting me

It seems to me that it's very common for the woman to accuse the man of domestic violence & substance abuse even if this is totally untrue. It's like a standard routine they use....

Be prepared to have every accusation under the sun put down in a sworn statement against you

I personally think that the women who behave in this manner are either Bi-polar or have a borderline personality disorder

Good luck in your application & I'm sure others on this forum will help if you need any advise

Hi there

This makes me so angry! These women that behave in this way should be ashamed of themselves and there should consequences for their actions! Unfortunately these mothers are more or less encouraged to behave in this way by the failed system we have in place, which is not fit for purpose!

As has been said its much more common than you'd think for false accusations of domestic violence to be made. Often this is because legal aid is still available for family law cases where there has been proven domestic violence. If there is nothing on record that would support her claims then the courts won't take it too seriously....having said that they will probably want some reports done to make sure there is nothing on record and there are no safeguarding issues. If she accuses you of drug use then the court may order drug testing which you may well have to pay for. This is a hair strand test and will usually cover a 3 - 6 month period.

As you have a close relationship with her daughter and she calls you daddy too then you could also ask for contact with her to be considered as well.

It's very difficult to give you a time frame for this, when accusations are made that need investigation and reports asked for this tends to draw the process out.

When you fill out the C100 make sure you ask for an interim contact order to be made at the first hearing....you might not get it but by asking for it they should then allow it to be discussed.

I'm pretty sure when all the reports are done and they find no risks from you to your daughter, they will grant you a contact order...it might be supervised to begin with but it won't be forever. Because she is a baby contact will be of shorter duration but as she gets older and is more independent then contact should increase. Once the court process is in full swing you will be given the opportunity to present a schedule of increasing contact.

It might help if you were to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, you will get face to face advice and support from other parents that understand what you're going through and also legal assistance during your case. Here's a link to their webpage where you'll find details of meetings in your area

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings

Best of luck

Thanks so much for the replies loddy and nanny jane, loddy: stick in there mate I had a wake up call from a guy at work and he was saying if I lose it and the police get involved then I could blow all my chances with seeing my girl lose my job home ect your main priority has to be your child I did get to the point of thinking about committing suicide and this guy was saying imagine the state of your daughter knowing her dad had killed himself as he couldn't handle it that hit home bigtime and that was one of the reasons I gave up smoking cannabis, I think your right about the bipolar thing my ex is alright one minute high as a kite obsessing over crazy things then she is depressed the next I'm sure she self medicates with the drink, I found nearly 100 empty wine bottles in her bedroom last year thats when I realised she had a problem when we were seeing each other she couldn't function without a drink she wouldn't have [censored] unless she was drunk thats why I finished her and I'm sure all this is just a way to get back at me, Yeah I'm prepared for the onslaught of accusations she's going to say I'm a drug addict, and alcoholic, child beater and molester also claiming I've hit her and domestic violence, I have never hit anyone got no criminal record never been involved with the police I dont drink and I gave up smoking at new year and I gave up smoking cannabis four weeks ago, I was smoking cannabis for 20 years so ive been told it will take up to 3 months for it to be totally out my system so im thinking by the time of a drug test it will be gone, Ive got a really well paid job, my own flat and ive been paying her mum 40 a week since she was born also gave her mum over 2k in cash which ive got proof over the past year I did have gontact every sunday for 4 hours and lived in my daughters nursery for 4 weeks so i know how to do the essensials like bath feed clothe and change my girls nappies ect my ex done exactly the same to the father of her first daughter and he just walked away and has never bothered with his girl although he did lose interest when he found out she had spinabifida.......absolute scum. thats what upsets me as thats 2 kids she's trying to deprive of a father, I've got a list as long as my arm about the neglect of both girls and what my ex has done in the past but I don't really want to go down that route of slagging her off i just want her to face up to her drink problem and get help, I genuenly think i'm a good influence on both girls and I'm hoping the courts will see that, thanks so much for the replies I've been looking round this site which is really good Ive had a look on that fnf site and they just want as much money out of you as possible and theres no groups in my area anyway, thanks again for the replies I'm starting to feel better about the situation now I'm in it for the long haul 🙂

Phatboytim,

Be prepared to have to defend yourself against every allegation going! I've had to 🙂

At least if you go via the Court route your daughter will know in the future that you did everything you could to be a part of her life

Keep us updated on your journey & fingers crossed all works out for the best

...I know what you mean about FNF and their subscription fee but the meetings are free and there's plenty of good info on their website that is free too!

Your cannabis use might be out of your system within three months but your hair is a different matter as it stays in the hair strands permanently.... That's why they take a hair strand test for drugs. As hair grows at roughly 1cm a month, if a drug test is ordered for the past 3 months then they will only test the 3cms nearest to the scalp. Also bear in mind that it takes two weeks from using the drug for it to grow outside of the scalp. If you don't have enough hair on your head they will take it from elsewhere on your body.

I don't think you should keep quiet about any welfare concerns you have, you might regret not speaking up! It's better to speak about it, especially as the children are neglected. I understand you don't want to slag her off but if you don't speak up she won't get the help she might need. There are ways of passing on information, if you state that you think that she loves her children but struggles with parenting them then it just shows you are concerned for them all and are not just being vindictive... By saying you want to be fully involved in their lives, to give extra support to the mother to enable her to parent more effectively, you are not putting her down, just showing concern but also highlighting the problems.. Acknowledge the pressure on a parent that has care of a disabled child, and push for more contact in that way.

I don't think you should keep quiet about any welfare concerns you have, you might regret not speaking up! It's better to speak about it, especially as the children are neglected. I understand you don't want to slag her off but if you don't speak up she won't get the help she might need. There are ways of passing on information, if you state that you think that she loves her children but struggles with parenting them then it just shows you are concerned for them all and are not just being vindictive... By saying you want to be fully involved in their lives, to give extra support to the mother to enable her to parent more effectively, you are not putting her down, just showing concern but also highlighting the problems.. Acknowledge the pressure on a parent that has care of a disabled child, and push for more contact in that way.

I totally agree with Nannyjane on the welfare issue!

Think you need to raise your concerns

Be prepared for it to get very messy though

Well I can't really do anything about the drug testing as it's defo going to be detectable apart from carry on not using the stuff I'm over the worst part apparently the first 30 days are the worst it has by far been the hardest thing I have ever done I've not had a decent nights sleep this year! I suppose I've got to expect this after smoking for 20 years, I do feel really good though I'm so much more clear headed I've got my taste and smell back I look better I've saved a fortune and am ready to fight for my girl I was just going to admit using cannabis and say I've given up I presuming they will test to see if I have used in the months previous which should prove I havent touched the stuff.
Yeah that seems the way forward as it really is difficult looking after both girls as her first daughter is incontinent so its changing 4 nappies to my daughter 1 its so hard work my ex simply cant cope without drinking she doesnt change the nappies often enough thus causing nappy rash that bad there front bits and back bits bleed its awful, both girls are always dirty smelly and I've never seen them being bathed once, my ex was force feeding my daughter solids at 10 weeks as she cant be bothered to make bottles and she cant be bothered to wind her which I always did so it freaks me out now I'm not there to help, I;'ve reported my concerns to social services but I'm made out to be the controlling abusive ex boyfriend it's hopeless, she beats her first daughter real bad when she's drunk and when I mentioned it to her she then started accusing me of beating her to cover herself I think thats the best way to raise my concerns.
All this is such a nightmare I'm taking every hour as it comes its on my mind 24/7 i'm not surprised dads just up and leave them to it, I'm quite a well known dj in my spare time and I've had to remove myself from the internet due to her posting some of the most sickening things about me I also work for the Home office, ministry of defence, I work in police stations courts probation centres ect to as an engineer the security checks I have to pass are unreal so If any of this gets back to my works I'm screwed big time it's all so worrying.

many thanks for your replies again it really does help.

Even if you fail the drugs test you should still be allowed supervised access & then eventually unsupervised

If they test you hair then they can detect up to six months ago depending on hair length, 1cm hair growth per month so make sure your hair is no more than 3cm long

I'm having to have an alcohol & drugs test in the next few weeks as my Ex has claimed I'm an alcoholic drug addict!

would love to see the look on her face when the test comes back negative

As you say, it's easy to understand why some men just walk away! problem is when you have concerns for your own child & how they are going to be treated. I know I could never sleep at night if I walked away from my daughter

There's no chance I'm walking away I'm going to fight for my Girl until I can fight no more and any tips on filling out this c100 form as I don't want to [censored] it up?

There's no chance I'm walking away I'm going to fight for my Girl until I can fight no more and any tips on filling out this c100 form as I don't want to [censored] it up?

It's quite straight forward to fill in.

I downloaded the form & filled it in using a free PDF reader (PDF-XChange Viewer) then just printed out 3 copies & posted them to the court

Any questions just ask on this forum & somebody will reply

Excellent many thanks, hows things going with your situation now?