[Solved] Newly Single

Hi There,
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I have to say it is very tough, and although it doesn't feel like it, it gets easier as time goes on.
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How old is your son?
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GTTS

I'm now into my fourth month of being single and I've had to fight every step of the way to see my children. It's very hard but there's nothing you can do other than find ways to cope and try to see your son as much as possible. Explain to your ex that even though things haven't worked out between you your son shouldn't have to suffer for that. From what I gather women become different beasts once you've split up and may try to keep your son to herself as much as possible. Try to keep things amicable but there is always mediation and court action if you can't come to an agreement.
Keep yourself occupied as much as possible - accept when there is nothing else you can do but try everything you can. I put photo's up of my children to remind me of them and how much we need each other. It might help but it might have a negative affect too so bear that in mind. When you do see your son, make the most of every moment. Try to be prepared in advance for the days that you will see him. Prepare meals and have your home ready so that you can enjoy whatever time you do get together. Even if you feel that you're coping, children often find it difficult to explain how they're feeling and they might not be. If he's old enough, tell him and show him that you love him as often as possible.
Try not to let your situation get you down. Your son needs you and will do for many years. Try to find ways to be strong so that you can be there for him and make his life better. I've met a lot of bad dads out there - be the best you can.

Hi GTTS,

Thanks and know you are right but at the moment that light at the end of the tunnel seems just a distant flicker.

My son has just turned three.

Hi Paul,

I have already noticed a change in her. I had my son for a couple of hours last night and he was upset when I took him back and had to leave without being let into the house. My now ex messaged me later saying she didn't think this was fair on him and has tried to put me on a guilt trip despite earlier saying I can see him .
She has other children from a previous relationship and treats their father so differently to me. He is allowed his children whenever he wants and never once does she try and make him feel guilty if their youngest one cries when he goes.
She works on a Saturday so have told her my son should stay with me on a Friday night otherwise he will have to be woken up for me to collect him. Also she goes out on Tuesday evening so again want to have him that night rather than have him for a couple of hours whilst it suits her.
Sadly she can not see my point of view and when I asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed her reply was that 'they werent!'
I have photos up of him already both at home and also at work so always feel close to him.
Having put my life on hold for the last five years, not being able to go out for fear of her reaction, I now have to rebuild it and am dreading it.
Sadly it's good to hear from others in similar situations and know its going to be a rocky few months ahead before it all settles down and all the time its only going to be my son that suffers from this.

Any problems she had with her ex are probably in the past and mostly forgotten so she will see your recent split as a barrier if you were arguing or had lots of differences, whereas her ex won't be such a recent problem. Remind her that your son has a right to see his father, that whatever differences you had shouldn't stand in the way of that. That you have a legal and moral right to see him.
I don't recognise my ex - today my daughter said that I had locked her out of her facebook account! I don't even use facebook or would know how to get into her account - I think she is trying to turn my kids against me. My point is just be aware of how different they are when the relationship is over - anything is possible.
I've learned a lot over the past four months from the people on this site. To be honest they've been amazing and supportive and full of great advice. If you have any problems these are the people to talk to - I haven't found anywhere else on the internet that comes close.
Good luck and try to keep your son your biggest priority. Hopefully you'll get to the point where everything seems normal and less hurtful.

Hi There,
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I think as Paul has said, and hes put it very well, you have left your ex not your child, so it is very difficult to deal with not seeing him, Some dads have written a diary of thoughts and feelings they have when they don't see thier children and this could help you, by putting down in writting how you feel and having it there to look over may help.
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We are here to help with any advice you need, I don't see your request for your time with your son. to be unfair especially as she works or is out at those times, but i suspsect your ex will dig her heals in.
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The facr that she is now managing to be civil with the father of her other children should give you hope, things are still raw at the moment, but she must be a person that can move on and get on with things so hopefully over time you will get the same level of respect.
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GTTS

I am currently in the same boat, my ex will not let me see my daughter who is only 3 months old. Treats her other children's father like a king, involves him in all aspects of their lives, but will not even respond to me when I ask how little one is doing.

She has been controlling throughout our marriage, forcing me to give her financial contro, telling me I needed to move on with my life (that 4 years was sufficient to grieve the loss of a child), making me cut other people out of my life. I drew the line when she tried to stop me seeing my son.

Now I see she just wanted me to be someone else, to change everything that made me who I was.

Keeping my daughter from me is the last bit of control she wields over me, and she says it's because I don't care about my child.

All I can say to you is fight, chances are high you are better off without her, and she needs to realise that in trying to hurt you she is only hurting your son.

I have to believe it will get easier for all of us, but that will not happen if we lay and wait. Be strong.