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I can't believe its Six Months since my wife left me for her childhood sweetheart and became a stranger. I have got through Christmas and the NY with a few ups and downs (and a couple of real downs), have drunk and eaten too much and felt like I was on a speeding train going somewhere bad at times. However, my two boys seem ok (as ok as can be expected) and we've got through it.
What has been on my mind a lot is that, aside from missing her terribly and feeling lonely (even in crowded social/ family situations), I can't move on and be anything more than curt with her. This, I feel, impacts on my younger son who sees her when she can make time for him despite us agreeing set times for 3 visits a week.
Part of me feels that something needs to move on as I feel like I'm in limbo or waiting for something to happen but I can't improve the situation without feeling like it's giving her what she wants (she told a family member when she left that "it'll all settle down by Christmas, kids get over stuff like this all the time").
I know my youngest would love us to get on better and I have sometimes been negative about her when she's let him down, but I still feel terribly sad and betrayed by her and fear that if I try to improve things I won't be able to maintain it.
It's odd being on the forum as my situation as parent with the house/ kids is often that position that lots of dads find themselves up against when denied contact. My situation is a little different as I truly believe I've been as civil as possible under the circumstances and she continues to fly in the face of common sense or any parenting advice. Her mantra seems to be "there's no handbook for this" so she does whatever and leaves everyone else to pick up the pieces.
Love to hear any ideas or thoughts or from anyone in a similar position.
CW70
...I think you're expecting a little too much of yourself, six months really isn't any time at all to get over such a traumatic upheaval. I think you've done/are doing a brilliant job of keeping house and home and family together given the stresses you've faced.
Have you thought of Relate? This organisation isn't just for couples trying to repair their relationship, but for families trying to come to terms with break up too. Their sessions can be child inclusive which might help your older boy to come to terms with the changes, and give you the tools to be able to move forward personally.
I agree with Mojo - it's been a massive upheaval and it's a lot for you to cope with, and harder to move on when you are also responsible for your children. If you haven't already started to do so, perhaps you could get involved in activities that involve you and your children in groups with other people where there are likely to be a mix of adults and children - that way you are spending time with your children at the same time as mixing with other adults.
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