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Hi all,
Can any one help me with this.
My ex wife and I separated over two years ago now, we have a three year old daughter together and without going into all the woeful details things are remain very fractious regarding my contact with my daughter.
I am in a new relationship now and have been for at least a year. My new partner and I are keen to get on with our lives together and to my new partners credit, she is keen to be involved in my daughters life, to meet her and include her in our future.
I am currently going through the court process regarding my contact with my daughter, in fact the proceedings have now been listed for a final hearing in the early part of next year.
I feel it is important to be clear, open, honest and transparent with the court and indeed my ex wife regarding all matters involving my daughter and those who will come into contact with her.
However I am terrified that my ex wife will try and use this new information as further "justification" to restrict my access to my daughter and that they courts may take a sympathetic view on her behalf.
I believe it is important to tell my ex wife about this new partner as at some point this person will have contact with my daughter... the question is what is the best way to approach this?
I have posted comments on this website before and some of you may recognise my user name. For those who do not I will tell you a little bit about me.
I am a police constable, while I know this does not mean I "wear the white hat" as someone on this site once mentioned, I do feel it is important to mention it as it means that I have been subject to very stringent vetting procedures.
I have tried mediation which failed.
As mentioned I have a three year old daughter who means the world to me. The court process has been lengthy and has taken its toll both financially and emotionally.
I accept that any relationship breaking down is hard but I had always hoped that in time my ex would put aside her feelings towards me and would work with me in order to achieve what is best for our daughter - sadly this seems like a lost cause.
I want to move on with my life now and I know that it is only fair and right to tell my ex about my new partner. I realise that such news is likely to come as a shock and will stir all manner of emotions - I also would like to, at least to best of my ability, minimise any unnecessary pain that this news will cause.
I just don't know how to approach this as I do not want to risk losing my contact with my daughter or creating any further hostilities from her mother.
Many thanks
Graham
Hi Graham,
Let me assure you that your relationship with a new partner won't affect the outcome of the court, although they may wonder why you have left it until the final hearing to disclose this information!
The fact that you has been together for a year and have been thoughtful enough to your ex and your daughter not to involve your new partner is creditable. It's important that children aren't introduced to a succession of girlfriends/boyfriends.
Perhaps you could say that you didn't want to introduce your new partner into the mix until you were sure it was serious and now you are, and in the interests of openness and honesty, and out of respect for your ex and daughter you felt it important to mention it and discuss how best to go forward. Suggest a slow gradual introduction to your daughter with lots of reassurances that you will be sensitive to your daughters feelings and allow her to set the pace.
Of course you know your ex is not going to be happy about it but there's nothing you can do about that, no time will be the right time as far as she is concerned.
You can either ask for a meeting with her and her solicitor before you go into court and discuss this then or wait until you are in the court before you speak about it. I don't think it would be a good idea to speak of it before Christmas as this might just upset any arrangements you have made for contact over the festive period....just my opinion though!
Hi Nannyjane,
Thank you for your reply.
I agree, I don't think telling my ex wife about my new partner before Christmas is a good idea, as it is I was in court today for a review hearing where we managed to agree Christmas contact but little else and as I think I mentioned the case has now been listed for a final hearing.
However I was hoping that my new partner, my parents and my little girl could enjoy Christmas together... do you think this is something I can do despite my ex not knowing about my new partner yet?
I also agree that such integrated contact should be controlled at a slow pace set by my daughter, which of course does not lend me a great deal of time with Christmas right around the corner.
I know I should have mentioned it earlier but I was scared my ex would just "pull down the shutters" and my contact with my little girl would be further restricted.