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Hi. First time posting so apologies if this is too much. I'm a bit lost really and venting as no idea what to do.
I've been seeing someone for a while now. Three years. In that time I've never met her family. I met her son once but didn't feel comfortable without her ex knowing about me so haven't seen him again since that.
We have fallen out a few times and it always seems to be the same thing. That I want to meet her family and have her ex know about me.
There have been numerous occasions now that I have just felt second best and don't know what to do.
Was her 40th bday last year and she had a party but I couldn't go as her ex might have turned up and obviously didn't know about me.
New year's he was really drunk and he walked into a car. She literally went straight to him and took him to hospital. I got rushed into hospital for something and I couldn't even get hold of her. She never replied to messages and they didn't seem to send properly. Wondered if she had stopped my messages coming through as she was with her family but seemed weird.
Sadly we had difficulties on this a few years ago and I decided I needed time.....he actually moved back in with her as she felt sorry for him as was homeless apparently. She never told me but I accidentally saw a post he put online about making dinner for his partner. Seems so weird she did that.
I have brought up so much about him knowing but she would rather argue and risk falling out etc instead of actually telling him after three years. It confuses me massively. Her family all leave posts on his Facebook so they obviously all get on still so it makes it harder.
The issue I guess is that she hasnt met my mum and dad. I feel I shouldn't unless I get something from her
I invited her a couple of times but she just didn't seem to really be sold on it but I know it could be more just protecting myself but know it looks two ways that I'm the same as her and not doing the same things. I've told her I would tell my ex about her but again, she doesn't seem to ever agree to it,even when near to breaking up. I'm doing the same as her I guess but to me it feels different as I want to tell my ex and meet my family (only have mum and dad, whilst she has alot of family). I guess that's the difference, I feel like I want to tell them but she won't commit to actually telling people.
I love her. She is better then me on every way but this is just getting so hard now. Am I wrong? Guess hypocrites for not having her meet my folks.
Sorry. Venting.
Hey Croucher,
Sounds like you are having a tough time with this.... The thing that strikes me most though is that you say that she is better than you in every way, yet you are willing to accept substandard behaviour from her?
Whats actually preventing you from saying no, this isn't acceptable? If it's because you're scared you'll lose her, then the fear has probably already won and you'll be in a similar or worse position another 3 years down the line. She knows there are no consequences to acting this way, so why would she change?
I don't mean to be so blunt, i mean this is the nicest way possible - you reached out on a public forum, which proves you want a better life for yourself, so do what it takes to go get it! I would suggest you read some self development material to build some confidence and learn to love yourself first and foremost. I found Sean Stephenson (R.I.P.) to be particularly motivating personally.
Take care anyway.