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Hi my name is Keith i am 49 in May have been with my current partner 9 years in March she has two children from her previous marriage who both live with us her son who is 15 and was diagnosed with Aspergers 2 years ago and can be real nightmare at times and daughter who 13 with the hormones and angst kicking in then we have our 4 year old daughter who has the toddler tantrums. And to say life is not good at the moment is a gross understatement.
All i ever wanted was a blonde blue eyed little girl and that's exactly what i got However it didn't happen until i was 44 and i have found it really hard to adjust don't get me wrong i love her to bits. But it has all gone totally not how I expected it to be.
She was a complete surprise my partner didn't know until she was 6 months gone so we only had a short time to get used to the idea and to buy everything as the other two were so much older.
Now my other half has gone really against me she is not what I would call a natural mother she sees kids as a chore and kinda makes me feel guilty for saddling her with another one for 18 years just as she thought she was nearing the end or thats how it feels to me anyhow and she is almost making me resent my gorgeous daughter for wrecking our relationship which up to her being born withstood pretty much anything including removal guys ripping us off and loosing £40,000 our business stock they left in Scotland.
She says I may as well not be here she has felt like a single mother for 4 years and i do nothing for Katherine and i am lazy and do nothing But I do plenty as and when i can the problem is I run our online mail order plant business from home and I think she thinks if i am at home I should be with Katherine more and I do spend as much time with her as I can But the business takes a lot of running to I have tried more lately But to be honest my partner wouldn't even notice if i did she is that blinkered at the moment and everything is my fault I do try and strike a balance I am not one who works all the time despite what she thinks/says. It doesn't help that her two are totally bone idol and won't lift a finger to help at all unless you pay them that is. and they make 90% of the mess she has to clear up cos I ain't clearing up after them.
If the business wasn't run from home there would be a clear boundary between work and home But there isn't so there is not much I can do about it But she is talking of moving out with the kids she says the time for talking and sorting this out passed a year ago
I really do not know how to play this
Hi Keith
Have you both considered contacting Relate? We can ask someone from there to come on here and comment if you wish.
Hi It would seem relate is not an option she is just not interested in us staying together and to be honest if it wasn't for my daughter i wouldn't even bother I have had it with her and her two kids treating me like dirt her 15 year old now calls me a lazy fat f****ing c**nt which is rather nice and all down to what she has been calling me.
I have tried so hard and I just do not get why she is being like this she says I am a terrible father to my daughter and do nothing for her or with her and just shout at her all the time. I keep trying to put across I am not shouting i have always had a very loud voice and I think it is maybe louder at the moment due to my hearing not being right as my sinus is blocked all the time I am going to the doctors on Monday about it that and just pure frustration.
I don't just sit on my computer all day as she makes out and don't go out at all drinking or anything like that. Yes i do spend a lot of time on my computer but my business is online and it takes up a lot of time. But I DO make time to spend with Katherine and do as much as I can and as much as she will let me problem is Katherine wants her mum to do most things for her I think even at 4 she knows what's what and does a lot of it to annoy her mum. And my partner won't do anything to help the situation by refusing to do things for her or telling to ask me. But she just can't see it
I don't think it is me that is the problem here and neither does my mum she thinks I am a good dad at least I don't go round saying the kids are a noose round my neck and I don't have a life which she does.
I take Katherine to pre-school every day and pick her up I play with her when I can. I bath her when she will let me. I get meals for her when I can But i do nothing for her.
One of the biggest problems is because she was breast fed I never got up at nights so even now when she is up at night its not me she wants its her mum there is no point in me even trying which really really annoys her But now I can't really as I don't hear her get up anyway as I am banished to the sofa downstairs.
I know She is very tired all the time But again she will not help herself and do what any normal person would and go to bed and get some sleep when Katherine is at school so I just cannot win
She says its over there is no going back from this But I can't afford to move out and she is now threatening to move back to Scotland with Katherine and the other two which means I will never see her I have ME and would not be able to drive that far on my own and I have no intention of ever flying
So I have no idea what I do now
You could apply for a prohibited steps order to prevent her from taking your daughter out of the country (Scotland counts as another country) but if she has a genuine reason to move (ie not to prevent you from having contact, which is hard to prove) then there's no guarantee of success.
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