[Solved] My wife has left me...postnatal depression?

Hi there

I'm not sure what to advise you here.

PND can cause this, we have had other members this has happened to. I feel if her family are concerned too then you could try talking to your GP or the assigned Health Visitor about you concerns. Her previous bouts of PND will be a matter of record if she sought help with it.

Unless you have concerns for the children's safety there's not a lot more you can do, she has the right to end a relationship if that's what she wants. I'd give her some space, see the children as often as you can and hope that she changes her mind. It might help if she would attend Relate with you but from what you say she might not be open to this...it's something you could explore.

I would just keep an eye on things and keep in contact with her family and friends about how she is coping. If you see any signs that she is not and the children are affected then you would need to contact Social Services.

Give her space mate, it's tough but if you crowd her she will just distance herself more, My Ex had real bad PND with her first child and she's got it again with mine.

Like NJ said there's not an awful lot you can do it's an horrible situation to be in you're just going to have to ride it out by the signs of it just be there for her and the kids when needed. It was like the nice caring Girl I used to know got sucked out my EX, she's turned into an emotionless angry shell now it sad really that was 18 months ago and she seems to be getting worse.

I hope she comes round mate keep your chin up

Slim

Thanks for your replies.

Nannyjane I am currently looking in to contacting her HV through her mum to see if she can get some help before it is too late (best coming from her mum than me). I am hoping that her feelings at the moment are being clouded by her PND and that our marriage can survive this time. I have also broached the question of counselling, but she is not open to this…maybe in the future.

Mr Slim thanks for that. I did try and give her space then I contacted her again (mistake), however it was unfortunately too early and she didn’t want to hear it. Again, it is like the girl I knew and loved has gone and be replaced with someone who has no emotion or love towards me. I haven’t seen her cry once since we split up, not even at the start when she was still in the family home. Plan now is to give her space, no relationship talk and just be there if needed.

Hopefully time will heal our relationship as we had a strong relationship and loving family home, just these last few months everything has been turned upside down.

If anyone who reads this thread and had the same situation and sorted things out let me know.

Thanks again.

I know what you are saying man me and my EX were the best of friends for years, we both raised her 1st daughter who considers me her Dad, she gave me a roof over my head when I was literally on the streets and put food in my belly even though she was struggling herself she suffered real bad PND when her first Girl was born she didn't want anything to do with the poor kid for the first few months thats why I built my bond with her.

She had various issues for years which we worked through as friends we started a relationship which went ok then she fell pregnant and from that day on she has been the most vile evil women I have ever met our friendship was gone that day 6 years down the pan, that was 18 months ago and she just gets worse and worse, I've not seen my 11 month old daughter for 9 months and she's doing everything to stop me seeing her I have never known anything like it.

I couldn't except it was over for a year and the life I had know for 5 years was gone, just be careful contacting your ex and text messages ect because you could easily be done for harrasment and you dont need all that.

Like you said just keep your distance for a while try not to let it all consume you try looking after yourself keep fit take up a hobby make sure you get out and about see friends and family it really does make things easier.

Slim

would she consider going to Relate to see if there is anything that can be worked on?

If not, then you need to look to the future - this post might help http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

its a damned if you do and damned if you dont - women are the strangest creatures - I agree with others in giving her space - but sometimes women take this as you arent bothered and haven fought for them.

Not much more I can add to this - my ex did similar to me (though no PND) very cold and slowly edged me out of my home and then got with a new bloke pretty quick

At the time I initially was all over her begging to talk about it - trying to see what was wrong how things could change if needed etc - then I was given advice to give her some space and she later hit me with the well you werent bothered and didnt fight to keep me

Best of luck with it chap - see the children as much as you can and from an access side just try your hardest to make sure shes always open to you seeing your children - when I split with my ex initially it was that I could see them whenever I wanted - as things moved on (new partner and moving etc) its been gradually reduced and now (even though I never thought it would get this far) its in the courts

I had severe PND when my two were born. My now ex told my health visitor that I was a psychopath!!!!!! He was totally un supportive, as was his family. My GP made me weekly appointments to see him as I had no one near where I lived to talk to. My now ex told me that I was making PND up to make his life a misery! He even told people that I had been violent towards him-it was the other way round. I asked him to move closer to my folks so they could help me, he retorted 'What about me, what about my happiness, what about my Mum'! I knew then the marriage was over. PND effects women in different ways, I did get help. Unfortunately I found it hard to come off the anti depressants because of my now ex as I was so unhappy. Your situation is completely different. If your wife has a good health visitor, perhaps speak to her about it all. Do you live Merseyside way as I have a local number for support for Post natal depression. It is a friend who had her own charity set up for women who suffered PND but she still gives advice over the phone. Hope this helps xx