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I dont know if this is the right place to post this but here goes:
I have a 31 year old daughter and I have recently found out that there is at least a 50% chance she isnt mine.
I always had a suspicion and it affected my mental health. I suffer from bouts of depression because of it.
My wife point blank refused to ever talk about it but now she wants a seperation she has told me the truth.
She doesn't want anyone else to know because "Whats done is done" I think its more how it will reflect on her.
I love 'my' daughter dearly but feel she has a right to know. As should everyone else.
Do I tell my daughter, do I get a DNA tests for both of us?
If its negative I feel I have been conned into raising another mans child.
I am in a poor state with this.
Anyone else have any ideas or comments?
Thanks
Dave
Hi Dave
This is so sad for you and your daughter, but the decision whether to tell her must be yours alone.
I think that perhaps you already know what you feel you should do, as you say in the 4th paragraph that you love your daughter but feel she has a right to know.
Your wife has no right to expect your continued silence, If you decide to tell your daughter, I would imagine that she will likely be pretty angry with her, she may need information about her biological father if the DNA test comes back negative. Have you thought about how you can support her through this, if the worse is realised?
Would it be possible to get a DNA sample from her without her knowledge? There's a 50% chance she is your daughter too, and if you get a positive result she need never have to know.
You and your daughter are the innocent parties in this, but this has the potential to damage your daughter most of all. There are many men that bring up non bio children and love them just as much as if they were their own.... there's so much more to being a Dad than the bio aspect and for 31 years you have loved and cherished your daughter as your own, even though you suspected otherwise... think very carefully about your next move and steer clear of doing it to punish your wife, if you're going to tell your daughter make sure it's for the right reason, otherwise you may live to regret it.
All the best
Thank you.
By chance my daughter phoned tonight and I have told her. It wasn't easy but she was great and said that as far as she is concerned I am her dad. (I shed a few tears at that point)
As for the other stuff the cards will fall as they do.
Thank you for your sound advice.
Dave
I would ask now that you've had the conversation with your daughter, do either of you actually want to know? If so, then by all means go ahead, but the air is now clear and you both know where the relationship stands now.
She raised the issue. She said that as far as she is concerned she isn't bothered either way as I am her dad but also that it only fair I do know.
I am going to have to give it some serious thought.
The Mrs kicked off big time for me "going behind her back"
...had she not gone behind your back in the first place, you wouldn't all be in this position!
It must be a mix of emotions for you...relief, sadness, anger... I think it's a good idea to give it a lot of thought before taking any kind of action.
I wish you and your daughter all the very best.
Thank you for your sound advice. Forever in your debt
Glad to hear this is out in the open for you and your daughter. If you need to chat further, we are always here.
Best wishes
I had my son tested as I couldn't live with the what ifs. Came back positive for me but I was prepared for the negative.
If it is going to eat you up, do it. If you don't feel you could cope with a negative result don't do it and crack on as you are.
Thanks for the advice and support. My daughter lives in New Zealand so it wasnt really feasable to get the DNA stuff done. I have moved out and getting a hard time from 'the wife'.
She is petrified I am going to tell people.
Anyway I thank you all.
It is nice to know that complete strangers will step up to the plate.
Thank you.
Dave