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Moving on where do ...
 
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[Solved] Moving on where do you begin??

 
(@Rizzy123)
Trusted Member Registered

As my whole divorce rumbles on, and my wife continues to sit there chatting to and txting her new fella most evenings ( I really love this sharing the house until the divorce is over thing....NOT, but i have found new levels of self control that i never thought possible), I get to wondering how i even begin to move on with the rest of my life.

If my wife doesnt do a runner with the kids which still worries me a little, and it all works out how it seems to be heading, then in the next month or 3 I will be on my own for the first time in over 20 years,and apart from the kids who i will have contact with 12 days out of 14, I will be in a position where other than phone or email for work ( I work from home and my nearest office is a 2.5 hr drive away), I will have pretty much no other adult face to face contact in my life.

Through the last few years of my marraige,I have burnt any last friendships that i had trying to fight for something that wasnt really there, and my nearest family are over 3 hrs away, so i find myself sitting here and try to work out where i go next and how i try to move on for myself, and i have no idea where to even start.

To be honest, the last few months have been hard for me, and with no one around i can really talk to, I have struggled mentally, but have kept moving on for the sake of the kids (it would have been so easy to say f*ck it, moved out and gone to live with family, but I quickly realised that everything i need to do has to be for the kids and that i need to be here for them at all times).

So how do you begin to move on, what first steps should i think about taking, I'm not talking about finding another woman, but just about making some new friends in my life, someone to have a cuppa and a chat with, or the odd beer down the pub with, just some basic social interaction.......

I've thought about new hobbies/activities that might get me out of the house a little, maybe something i can get the kids into as well as I will have little to no support with the kids on the days/nights I'll have them, but i struggle to find anything that interests me, that the kids could get into as well.

I just dont know where to begin....

Would appreciate any thoughts or shared experience

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Topic starter Posted : 13/09/2015 3:52 am
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

...it must be so difficult when you are still sharing the same house, I think that once that situation is sorted out and the break is properly made you will begin to feel a little less confined, both physically and mentally.

I'm going to move this thread into the Relationships section in the hope that it will get more response from others that have been where you are right now.

You are putting your kids first and that will help you now but it will also give you a sense of self worth later on as you begin to move forward on a personal level.

Best of luck

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Posted : 13/09/2015 8:18 pm
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

I went through a few months of sharing a house with my ex after we'd split up (although admittedly the decision was mine). While you are right to plan activities that include your children, you also need to plan some that don't, because there will be times when you aren't seeing them. If there's anything you've always wanted to do, or even vaguely dreamed of doing, now's the time to consider it - what you do is up to the sort of personality you have, but whatever you decide, there will almost certainly by a group or club you can join, and that's going to get you back into a social life with something common to talk about.

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Posted : 16/09/2015 10:50 pm
(@Rizzy123)
Trusted Member Registered

Thanks Guys,I'm just emotionally lost at the moment, really struggling to see a way out of the hole I'm in. I'm sure "time will tell", but today all is not so clear, and without a family/friend network to turn to just to unburden I find myself wallowing in my own self pity more often than not.

I've been pretty much a loner all my life with few friends, and for the last 15+ years of my life have been satisfied with putting everything into the family and my work, the thought of being alone in the house and not seeing the kids even for a couple of days is hard to accept at the moment, and the threats that she may look to move away with the kids keeps me awake most nights.

I know things could be a lot worse and the things I read here and the issues others face are almost impossible for me to believe, and I have no way of even beginning to comprehend what others have been through and how they begin to cope.

The support and the advice you guys give here is incredible keep doing the good.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 17/09/2015 5:12 pm
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

I'm the same - generally I like my own company. Might be worth trying some of the things I've done - archery srpings to mind - it's a lone activity but you join a club for support etc. I'm trying kiteboarding at the moment (if we ever get any wind!!)

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Posted : 19/09/2015 4:04 pm
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