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Hi all. It's been some time since my last post but here is a quick catch up. Wife left 13 months ago for childhood sweetheart, I'm bringing up our two boys in the family home. Following lots of niggly and confrontational texts about arrangements for her seeing our youngest she has agreed to meet to discuss how we can improve things for our son. I have requested we attend mediation several times and offered to meet her with her boyfriend to move things along. I'm pleased she has agreed but have some concerns:
1) How do we address problematic issues without re visiting the problems and fighting over them,as we usually have very polarised views about who is at fault (for instance, changing visiting times - she often does this saying something like "can't see him Friday so will pick him up Saturday", I have only ever changed times where it is of benefit to our son such as him being invited to go to the circus with a friend who had free tickets.
2) How do avoid getting drawn in to the above or into making negative or clever comments, particularly if provoked
3) How do I avoid being accused of being controlling (a favourite of hers) but ensure there is some structure/ outcome to our meeting
4) How do I respond if all she is there for is to have her say (she is very resentful even though she left me), she is angry about her parents supporting me through the dark days and helping with childcare, my eldest refusing to see her, me having a 9- 5 job when she works shifts and lots of other issues.
I have thought about suggesting we forget everything over the past year and start from scratch basing all decisions around our son, identifying potential issues and solutions that we agree on so there is a response agreed for likely situations.
Also, I am seeing someone now, whilst she hasn't explicitly said anything about this I feel that she has been slightly more disruptive since this has been the case.
Would welcome any insights,
CW
You say she has agreed - is this to the mediation? If so, I would hope that they will keep things on a fairly even keel. It might be worth addressing those questions to them so they are aware of your concerns, and perhaps can lay out some suggested ground rules for you both.
I would think mediation would be your best bet here, as actd says it should help keep things on track.
If it isn't mediation, perhaps you could suggest you both independently complete the CAFCASS parenting plan before you meet up and use this as the focus for discussions.