[Solved] Marriage break up

Hi There,
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Sorry I had a busy day yesterday trying to get catch up with work before I go on holiday on Thursday, so didn't manage to get on line.
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This is going to be some tough advice to take, but you need to hear it and try and follow it.
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You are making things harder for yourself by going around to her house and looking at what she is doing and if she is home, not only are ypu making it harder for yourself you are also risking being arrested by the police and being charged with harrasment and she has already warned you of this. Send her an email saying the things have sold and that you need to collect them as soon as you can, you don't need to add anything else.
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The chances are she will leave them some where for you if she doesn't want too see you. I know this is tough and you are struggling, but you are making things worse for yourself but pushing her to talk and going round to her house.
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you need to find something to keep you busy, did you have a look at the link I gave you for groups in your area?
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GTTS

Hi,
Yes I know, what I done the weekend was stupid.
I know I need to work on my self.
Still I will be ok. The tenants phoned yesterday so that have found a new place, looking to move by October.
So that's some good news.
Be glad to get my flat back and start over again.
Just finding each day a struggle.
Still I know things will get easier.
Thanks again for the advice, no more stupid things I promise.

Goatjazz

Hi There,
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Things will be hard, but as said by going round to her house you are prolonging the whole thing and as said also risking being arrested, stay clear of her, I know you still want to be with her and hate that you can't, but by the sounds of things she has made her decision and has no intension of going back on it.
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As hard as it is, you need to focus on you now and not her.
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That's good news about your flat, it's a shame it isn't sooner but at least you have an idea of when you will move and can start to get things ready.
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GTTS

Hi,
Thanks again for the message, I do understand and will not be doing anything stupid again.
I have to go to do this ebay stuff,as there are 3000 tapes. She won't do all that on her own. And then I still have to collect more stuff, which she said the end of August.
I would like to perhaps collect all this at the same time.
Should I email her suggesting this.
Cheers goatjazz

Hi There,
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I think this would be a good idea, knowing you don't have to go back again, may help you to move on, the more you have to go back and see her the longer it will take you to get over things.
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If you email her, you could explain that you are finding it hard and say how sory you are that you have sent her the messages that you have and ask to collect everything in one go, so that you can know that everything is sorted.
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GTTS

Hi,
Still waiting for the buyer to get back to me regarding the videos, so not sent the email yet.
I really think it would be good to collect all my stuff the same day as getting rid of the tapes.
Feeling ok ish this afternoon, had a little sleep.
Keep getting the waves of feelings but I know these will die down in time.
Still missing her loads, and keep thinking of the holiday coming up.
But hey I have got to get my head straight. Nothing is going to change, just got to focus on myself.

Thanks again
Gary

Morning

Your right unfortunately I think she has made her decision and she is going to stick too it, so as you say you have to concentrate on yourself and your daughter now.

As soon as you know about the tapes, I would try and get everything from her house that should hopefully give you closure and help you move forward.

GTTS

Morning.
Not coping very well with all this, going to see the doc today.
Work have been great but I don't want to keep taking time off or going early etc.
I struggle to get out of bed now, before I was always up early.
I need to sort myself out.
I feel so empty, like nothing matters anymore.
All I want to do is sleep
Then you wake up and then its real again.
Horrible
Anyway I will make an appointment and see what can be done to help.

Thanks
Goatjazz

Morning,
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As we have said before going to see the doctor is a good idea, they will be able to help.
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By the sounds of things you are very up and down which is to be expected, but if you keep going as you are you are going to run yourself into the ground and then things will just be one long down, see what the doctor says and make sure you are really honest with them. If they give you meds to take and you decide to take them, make sure you allow enough time for them to start working, this can be longer than you would think sometimes a few weeks, so don't think they aren't working and stop taking them.
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GTTS

Evening all,

Really hard day today, been to see doc, decided I don't want the medicines. But a good chat was had and got some more good advice.
Went to see my daughter for a cuppa, which was nice but I got a bit upset, she goes to Germany for a few days then she is off to iow for a week. So won't see her until next weekend.
Then ex phoned regarding these videos. We had a chat for about an hour. All pleasant, but she has made her mind up its defo a no.
I got upset but didn't do any begging etc, held it together.
We just seem to see things totally different.
She would say something and I would just not see it like that!.
Still it was an ok chat and we left it with an understanding. I told her I would only contact her with regard to collecting things.
Was good to hear her voice but also sad.
But hey. I know things are not going to change , so I must focus on myself

Also got a email from estate agents wanting reference for my current tenants, so things could move quickly,as they look like they have found a place....kept this news from the ex, ....she did ask about the flat....but she does not need to know!.

Anyway. Cheers again
Goatjazz

Morning all.
After an awful nights sleep. I am up and feeling ok.
Think last nights talk with the ex helped me move a little closer to accepting it all.
Obviously I am very upset but from today I have to think of myself.
Have contacted work and will be back on Tuesday. This gives me a few days to sort myself out and just finally get my head straight.
Still got to sort out these videos and collecting my last items from the house, but hopefully that won't be too long now and I can get on with my life.
It's not going to be easy when I go round there and not looking forward to it.
But anyway not going to do anymore hassling or anything.
Just comminute via email about collecting things.

Thanks again guys. Keep you updated later today
Goatjazz

Hi and welcome to the forum

Sorry I've just been catching up on your thread as had a week or so off. It sounds like you are doing better and taking positive steps in the right direction.

There's not much I can add here but you are doing the right things and it really is just one day at a time. Remember to keep this in mind on bad days and in a week or two you will feel better than you did today and will find the tough days get less. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself this time to heal and focus on you.

Take care