[Solved] Living with a wife who refuses to grow up

I came across this website and thought maybe I can probably find some hope here if not some solid advice.

I'm an Asian chap married to an Asian girl and to fill you all in a nutshell you marry the girl you marry the family. The parents of my wife are what you call people with no scruples and have essentially destroyed the life of all of their children but they refuse to see it.

As an Asian you might have also assumed that this was an arranged marriage and you are somewhat right. We were introduced and we decided to go ahead with it. So from day 1 her mum and dad have messed up cheated, lied and been dodgy about everything. Twice the marriage was nearly called off from our side as my father is a man who values honestly and fair dealing above all else.

Somehow we got married and I thought that was the end of it and we carry on with our life. But for two years now her mum constantly calls her up and slanders our family, and tries to control our lives. Just to give a breakdown of how she is with her kids read the following:

Her parent’s idea is that they have 4 houses next door to each other so all their kids have to live next to them where they can control them.

My wife (34) her eldest child, 6 years they looked for a husband for her but kept messing it up because they are vile bunch who always looked at how it benefitted them first before her. Of all the choices the ones who they didn't mess up things with was

1. A man they sponsored over from Saudi Arabia who whilst in all outward appearance was polite has something dangerous about him. As he had nowhere to stay her father arranged it for him to stay with one of his friends. That night he receives a call form the man saying that this man tried it on with his wife. My wife’s father was angry to hear that but still try to persuade my wife she should marry him with her mum backing him.

2. Then there was another man who came to see her but then stalked her for two days going from and to work. His excuse was he wanted to make sure did she dress and act as a proper Muslim. Again they liked this guy. The other options she had they didn’t like so they decided to spread slanderous rumours about them within the company or break up the wedding with a few days to spare.

Her mum acts as if she knows everything in the world and calls my wife a useless [censored] who can't do anything and does everything for her my wife lets her and accepts these insults. She hasn't let her daughter grow up or given the strength to endure things.

When her parents came to our house they demanded we change the house for her daughter which is really weird. We have lived in that house for 10 years with a lot of happiness and laughter as our family has always been close.

The second child (a 30 year old boy) is a weird chap who has really going down the religious path (but only when it conveniences him). He begged his parents that because they were wasting time with his sister’s marriage they should give him their blessings so he could get married. He married, eventually as they still wouldn’t give their blessing but their were so many problems and it’s always on and off. Instead of helping them to sort the marriage they go to him to go back to Bangladesh and secretly remarry again despite him still being legally married.

The third child is a bit more stronger but they still slag off his wife, saying she is of mongrel blood as she is a quarter Malaysian, they also slag her off and the complain bitterly she does nothing to look after them.

The fourth child is the saddest of case. Now 27 years old he is the lil boy of the family, when he was little he suffered an illness which made him slightly slow in the mental capacity but not bad enough to cause such an impact. They mollycoddled him so much instead of pushing him that he is virtually useless and has no chance of making a life by himself despite all the big talk on how he is going to do this and that.

Yet all four kids despite all this seem to have been brainwashed and can’t seem to make it on their own.

So we got married and that I thought we'd get on with our lives. For two years I have been trying to make a life with my wife but her parents keep interfering making decisions or telling us to do things despite what affect it is having on us. I begged with my wife to tell them to stop it as it will have a strain on our marriage. He mother expects her to be in forest gate (east London) every day despite me trying to get on with my life.

Me and the wife have arguments about how she considers where I live to far from East London and how she cant go see her mum when she wants and her friends and how she hates it here because it is too dead. I live only a few minutes away from Staines Kingston and hounslow so I wouldn’t call it either dead. She wants a bigger house and I have to explain to her that isn't possible until we get more money. I have tried to explain to her just because you don't have something at the moment you have to have patience and work towards it but she refuses to listen.

We recently had a baby boy together and I thought we can get on with our lives.

I could go on about the varied different issues we have ad with them but there’s no point. The latest is that my wife went for a visit to her mum’s house and now refuses to come back because she is depressed.

As it stands now my dad and her dad had an argument after watching the strain they are putting on our marriage. This was based on the fact they sae their spoilt little girl upset so they decided to buy her a car but expect me to maintain it. Before this I told her as we in the process of moving to a new house not to buy a car just yet as we need to see how much it will cost us living in our own house. I told her we cannot afford to maintain two car a house and a baby and she could use mine as I only use it on the weekends. She now accuses me of attacking her independence but yet shes happy to receive a gift from her dad and me to maintain it. And her mum and dad now forbid her to come back and also refuse to give my son back. She first said she wanted to come home but immediately her mum grabbed the phone and told her she can’t come back. Basically they want my dad to grovel before they let them come back.

In a sense they are holding my son ransom, when we had him I told her that we would never do something like this. Despite me texting her and telling her she’s old enough and she needs to put us (me her and my son) before everything else she refuses.

Despite me being nice to her and putting up with her mum and dads antics she is punishing me and not only me but my entire family who treated her with a lot of love. My dad has prostate cancer and before she left I told her we need to give him as much support and be by him this Dec and Jan she reacted by starting an argument and saying I was trying to stop her going to her mums. My son was a great source of comfort to my dad but she’s taking it on herself to punish our family.

In our texts I have begged her to come back asking her to put us first as at the end of the day if this goes bad the only people who will suffer is us as everyone will go back to their lives. She doesn't see that, doesn’t see how her mum and dad are controlling her.

When my son was born I was very much the active parent as I wanted her to rest and recover and even now she seems to be clueless in looking after him while she is at her mothers she mainly just gives our son to his her mother to look after him. I realise that this is their first grandchild but they are disturbingly weird. Her mum and youngest brother would when my son come back home dress a doll in a used babysuit and carry him and sniff his the babysuit whilst making cooing noises. That is a very disturbing thing.

I’m trying to get our marriage to work while she seems to be in some cuckoo land and I want my son back but I know the law and I know anything I do to get him back will land me in trouble with the law. I have been very depressed for a long time now because I have in laws who are trying to take my son away and a wife who refuses to put us first and can't see what her parents are doing to us.

They have told her if she goes she can never come back home and they will cut her off. So shes put them ahead of our families welfare

Is there a way I can get my son back, if she told me she was scared then I could do something about it but as it stands unless she says something anything I do will land me in trouble. It fills me with rage that a 34 year old girls allows her parents to control her like this and these people are stopping my son coming back to me.

Please Help