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Reporting a concern
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The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.
Report child abuse or neglect to your local council
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Hi
This is my first post, sorry that it's so long, but these details need to be explained for you to understand the situation clearly.
I married an asian woman and she moved to the UK to live with me, we had a child and things have been ok.
My wife and I have had a good relationship so far, with some cultural differences that caused a few arguments, serious at times, but over all not so bad.
My wife has always been quite lazy in the morning, not getting up typicaly until 10am. If she was left alone without any requirement to get up, she will happily sleep until noon.
Our 3 year old daugher recently started pre school, she goes 3 times a week and needs to be up for 7.30am at the latest. After I come home from my night shift, if it's on the day my daughter goes to school, then i will get her up and see to everything until she gets a lift by my mum.
Now, this is where the problem is; when i finish work and she is not going to school that day, she often wakes up as I come in, (around 7.40am) my wife gets up and shouts at her and makes her go back to bed, usually with a milk bottle (she still gives her a baby bottle) she crys and protests, but my wife forces her back to bed and she then returns to her bed too. Because my wife makes her sleep late in the morning, by the time it's a school day, my daugher ends up going to bed late then she is too tired to get up, which means she goes to school very tired. This pattern has persisted for the past few months.
Yesterday morning, i came from work, my daughter was up and came out of her room, it's her off day, so no school. my wife came out and shouted at her to go back to bed. At 8am, she creeped out and i hear her at the living room door, so i myself told her she should try to sleep a little more, but she cried and cried, so i let her into the living room with me.
As i was having my breakfast wathcing the news with my daughter cuddling in beside me, my wife comes storming in and and shouts at me, she claims I'm doing things differently to her and that our daughter must return to bed, i refuse this time and i stood up and shouted back to her pretty firmly, i told my wife i've had enough of her being selfish and not getting up with her at the same time, for being lazy and for acting like a spoilt teenager. We argued in front of our daughter for 10 minutes, then we went to bed together, our daughter played on the end of our bed , then my wife eventuly got up and i slept.
We had a second argument later that day and the dialogue was pretty much the same, she's denying any wrong doing and I accused her of neglecting and being cruel to her. I told my wife she needs to get to bed ealier, but she does not, she goes to sleep by around 2am sometimes later and then refuses to get up ealier than 9 or 10am, this means she is making our daughter fit into her desired routine and will not allow her to get up early unless it's for school.
I'm worried about this issue being flagged by her teachers, because she goes to school too tired and this could cause legal problems later on.
Im not really sure where to help with this, possibly relate if your wife will go?
This is often the cause of many disagreements, this forum is largely made up of separated parents. IT becomes even worse when separated as you'll be frustrated from afar and cannot step in like you do now. Apart from trying to talk to her Im not sure what you could do.
Maybe someone will be along soon with a better answer
I have to agree with Twiston really, the only suggestion I have is some sort of counselling if you can get your wife to attend.
Does she understand that it is going to cause problems with the school and potential referrals to external agencies should it continue? Do you still have a health visitor that you could seek advice from or your GP? It might be worth mentioning it to a GP anyway so there is a record that you have concerns if things deteriorate....
Good luck