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Hello everyone,
Just trying to get advice about being a dad. Over a year ago I was with a girl who I was really happy with and slept together once whilst she was on he pill and I was wearing a condom but the condom split and was told it was going to be fine etc, to later I found out she was seeing another person (a woman) so me and her went separate ways.
I have just been told last night that I am the child's dad by Facebook, I am now in a stable relationship with someone else, but I am worried so much I hardly slept that my current girlfriend would leave me and my family will practically disown me due to the fact she was incredibly selfish with saying was going to be fine (heck I trusted her).
I've already offered to pay money to the mother but she said I don't have to see him if I don't want to, and to be honest I'm too unsure of what to do etc.
Any advice on what I should do to make the best of a bad situation
Hi and welcome
I really think you need to talk this through with your current girlfriend, firstly because keeping secrets is not the basis for a good relationship, and second, because your ex could go to the CMS at any time and open a case for maintenance, and then it will be much more in the open, either immediately, or possibly later on if you want to buy a house etc and you have to declare outgings.
One you have talked it through, I think you will be in a better position to decide what to do next about being an active father to this baby, but I think you need to make the decision quickly, either way.
Hopefully others will also offer advice on here.
BTW, I deleted your other identical post as having all replies in one place will hopefully get a better response in general.
Hi there
I agree with actd, if you keep this from your girlfriend and she finds out from someone else it will be a lot harder for her to deal with. I think your family may be more supportive than you think...I hope so.
It sounds very much to me that you could have been set up, who supplied the condom? If she was on the pill then even if the condom split, she would have been protected from pregnancy. Is she still with the woman that you found out about?
once you have got things settled in your mind and have decided what you want to do, I suggest you attend mediation to try and get some plans in place for the future. Here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
Whether or not you decide to be a parent, it's likely that at some point the mother may expect some form of maintenance from you, this can also be discussed in mediation.
Best of luck
Hi there,
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I agree with Mojo, my first thoughts when I read your post was that this girl and her partner wanted a baby and needed a way for that to happen, this may just be Mojo and I being over sceptical but it does sort of add up.
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I would as said by actd talk to your current partner, I'm assuming you weren't with your current partner at the time you slept with this other girl so really there isn't anything wrong with what's happened, everyone has a past and you will find that your girlfriend and your family will probably be shocked but that you will get support, as said you haven't done anything wrong.
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Once you have spoken to your girlfriend and your family then I would try and talk to this girl and see what is what, I would actually do this before looking at mediation as at the moment there isn't any sign that there would be any issues in you having contact and being a dad, when you think if she didn't want involvement at all then she wouldn't have told you.
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As said there is a chance that she will claim some maintenance from you at some point, but discuss this with her first and see what views she has on things before panicking.
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If things don't go well then you have the option of mediation to try and resolve any issues you face.
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I just think that at this point if you start straight off with mediation from the get go, then if the mother was in a position that she was happy for contact ect then that could change very quickly.
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Clearly this will all boil down to what you decide to do, you may not want contact at all, just try and get everything clear in your head first.
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GTTS
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