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Just found out today that the reason I was refused contact this week during the court appointed time is because my ex had taken our children and spent 2 days with her new boyfriend. She mailed me and told ne she was to over the limit to drive and was at a friends house. Being unable to drive through alcohol is bad enough but she was drunk at a boyfriends house with our children there.
My oldest told me that mummy has a new boyfriend. I asked how she knew they were not just friends and she said because they kept kissing and slept in the same bed.
She didnt even consult me about whether our children were ready for this, what she was going to tell our children, she hadnt even told me she was in a relationship.
I know it was bound to happen but it should have been dealt with more sensativley for our childrens sake.
I am gutted that she is exposing our children to this situation, I just dont want them to have to deal with the adult side of life, not yet, not at 6 and 3.
I am completely indifferent to her seeing someone as more fool them.
Am I being reasonable in being so upset that she took our children to stay over with a man who I know nothing about ad without telling me?
Is there anything that can be done, tell SS etc or can she treat our children like this with impunity?
Regards,
Dave
I'm really sorry to hear this Dave. It's always a shock after break up, when an ex moves on.
She certainly should not be exposing her children to new boyfriends in this way, especially allowing them to witness her intimacy with another man. You are completely reasonable being upset about this and I would definitely bring it to the attention of the court. You could give the CAFCaSS officer a call and run it by her, ask for her advice on how to deal with this with respect to the impact on the children...be the one responsible parent.
You could also ask your ex for his name so that you can do CRB checks with the police, as the children are sleeping at his home this is also a reasonable thing to do.
Thanks Mojo....
I feel that she could have dealt with this better.
The solicitor knows and was pleased almost as he felt that she was not being responsible.
Court is next Tuesday so the solicitor advised to keep our powder dry and bring it up when cross examining her and the CAFCASS officer.
I think that I will ask in court that this chap be CRB checked, she may listen to the judge.....probably not.
Regards,
Dave
be mindful that the judge will accept that your ex has to have a social life of her own, and unless you have specific reason to ask, be careful of asking for the CRB as the judge may well ask what are your grounds for this - if he does, what would be your reply? I'd certainly ask your solicitor's opinion of this.
However, I agree wholeheartedly that your ex has handled this extremely badly as far as the children are concerned, especially when she had the perfect opportunity to have time alone with her new boyfriend by letting you have extra contact.
Hi actd,
My grounds for CRB would be that SS have stated that due to my domestic violence allegations against her that any future relationship that she has carries a risk of DV and give her history of psychiatric issues, stroke and drug abuse I dont think that she is capable of deciding in what can be only a few months whether this guy carries no risk to our children.
Why do you think a judge wouldnt want to agree to a CRB check?
I pay for it and if its clear then all good.
I get what your saying that she is entitled to a private life and I really am indiferent to her seeing anyone its that our children should not be exposed to this not yet. If she had been seeing him 18 months or 2 years then I would be less upset but she can only have been seeing him 3 or 4 months at most.
Regards,
Dave
Hi Dave
My only concern is that a judge might consider asking for a CRB to be a vindictive act. However, I think the reasons you have just given are a good reason for justifying your request, so I am less worried about this. Just me playing devils advocate - always good to be prepared as to what a judge might throw at you. 🙂
Hi actd,
No problem as I knew you were being devils and all that and understand that I wouldnt want to be seen as vindictive.
I will be chatting on Tuesday before we go into court more about what she did to determine how the barrister sees it and what he will want to make of it.
Would it be reasonable do you think to ask the ex to agree that neither introsuces new partners to our children without the others consent?
If she disagreed that would tell a story, I think amyway, what do you think?
Regards,
Dave
When you talk to your barrister I'm sure he will advise you on the best way to approach this. In my view its reasonable to expect that children aren't introduced to any new partner until the relationship has developed and is serious enough to warrant an introduction....otherwise it would be confusing for them and not in their best interests.
My daughter has not been with the father of her little boy for two years. She has boyfriends and goes on dates but there's never any question of her introducing them to her little boy or having them in the house when he is there. When she meets someone and it gets serious and has a future, only then would she let them meet....that's the way it should be!
I'm not sure about the "without the other's consent" purely because if your ex feels vindictive, she may never give her consent to you. Perhaps going for a reasonable amount of time (or engaged to be married) might be better, and it could be done by a legal undertaking in court. That way, if she doesn't stick to it, it's contempt of court - the problem, of course, would be enforcement.
Certainly get your barrister's opinion - it may come down to who the judge is on the day, and that's one big advantage of having a barrister as they often have a good idea of how the judge is likely to rule, so can make a quick last minute adjustment.
Thanks again actd!
I will speak with the barrister regards that.
On the topic of getting her partner checked, I found that you can have a background check done on anyone involved with children - https://www.gov.uk/police-check-someone-involved-with-child
The question is do I ask for his details in court or mail her before court....what do you think?
Regards,
Dave
Is there a chance to ring your barrister beforehand. My thoughts are that if you mail her beforehand, she is forewarned and might come out with all guns blazing or counter accusations. If it's something the barrister can slip into his requests in court, it might be easier - ultimately, you want to make his job as easy as possible in front of the judge.