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its like she is not accepting my son after all this time. its eating away at me. I know this may not ever happen but our door should always be open for my son no matter what
I'm not surprised it's eating away at you.....it would be a deal breaker in most relationships and I agree that if it came to it, then he should be allowed to live with you & you shouldn't be expected to move away from him.
But.........ultimately and bluntly, you will might have to decide if you want to remain in the relationship if she won't change her mind.
she is dead certain she will never ever change her mind. I know this may never happen but I should always have the door open to my son IF he ever wanted to live with us but she wont ever accept that.
her solution is to rent a flat and me and my son live together and us still be together but that will put strain on our marriage as I wont be around as much!
You really need to take a step back Mike. It's not even happened & I think you are missing the point of what I am saying. Basically from what you have told us, your wife doesn't seem supportive of the relationship you have with your son. How you would logistically work out where your son would live if he wanted to be with you really isn't the issue here.
In my opinion, the issue is that you both seem to have very different ideas about how you do or could live and that goes much deeper and is more fundamental than worryingabout separate flats in a situation that may not happen or is many years in the future. I really think you need to go back to basics with the counsellor and see what you both want out of life before you can move forward together.
I hope you don't mind, but I am going to be even more blunt than Yoda.
If my future partner showed that kind of attitude towards my daughter I would take that as an unacceptable personality trait and would simply walk away!
Never mind the logistics, what is she going to be like on other matters. I would think this is so selfish.
this is what a lot of people have said to me that its totally unacceptable she should always support you if it came to this. I shouldn't have to get a flat to rent with my son. we have a room for him so he should always be welcome. she said he can only live there a few weeks to sort out what ever he is going through that's it but living with us full time is a massive no!
it should never be a problem, I should have full support from my wife no matter what and that is just showing none!
we have our counselling sessions start Thursday so this will be mentioned! I cant let it just eat away at me
As said before.....I really wouldn't be discussing details of what 'might' happen but focus on the fact that overall, your partner appears not to want involvement with your son.
If you cannot agree on these fundamentals, perhaps you really shouldn't be in the relationship, or not expect it to last long term. These type of issues are deal breakers and really should be addressed at the start of a relationship.
On the plus side, if she begins to understand or change her views through the counselling sessions, you might be able to move forward together.
will see how the counselling goes this week. I'm not expecting things to change straight away but there are a lot of things that need to be spoken about to move forward. but I cant live my life feeling like I got no support from my wife towards my son. And if my son were to turn up and ask to live with us then this will be an issue for her and it will drive us apart
if I had to rent somewhere with my son it will just drive us apart