[Solved] Issues with the Wife regards my son. help!

should my wife support me and accept that my son might want to live with us one day?

Hi there

To be honest I don't think you should be burdening yourself with hypertheticals... She probably doesn't want to think about a situation where your child doesn't want to live with her and it's way in the future, why get tangled up with it?

Her solution isn't rational, but as you've only been split up for a month, things are still highly charged, I would leave such contentious issues and concentrate on your child and finding some middle ground that will allow you both to co parent without hostility, that is what's best for your son right now, he doesn't need you to be at each other's throats, while he's still trying to deal with the fact that his life has been turned upside down.

Your time frame is a little confusing if you've been together for four and a half years and your son is eight, are you his step father? I only ask as this may prove difficult for you should she decide to stop contact. I think there's a time limit, if you wanted to apply for Parental Responsibility (PR) after a separation, which I think is three months, but you would need to check this. Without PR you have absolutely no rights and she can do pretty much as she likes.

sorry I should of explained a bit more. my son was with my ex girlfriend.
so my wife now who is a step mum to my son is point blank refusing my son to ever live with us if he came to us asking if he can. does that make me to be a bad father not being there for my son if he asks

Hi

Sorry to read this. Some step parents can find it difficult to comprehend what parents will do for their own children, especially if they haven't got children of their own & if you talk about getting back together then clearly this is a massive issue for both of you to navigate.

Yes, talking about the future in that way is just hypothetical so I wouldn't be worrying about the ins and outs of that just now, however, you clearly know that you will not abandon your son & your wife will have to understand that. Personally, I don't think there;s much room to compromise here as you have to have your child's best interests at heart. If you had children with your new wife and anything went wrong, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't appreciate you leaving the new child behind to please a new partner.

Have you thought about trying to go to Relate? It might help you both if you want to work on the issues.

https://www.relate.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAyszSBRDJARIsAHAqQ4qTrjxJsdggKOL_Wd8wNWvkapGjBVFn9cOACNcrIStQSOQ4QncKmfYaAtQJEALw_wcB

I don't know it depends what is the likelihood of your son ever coming to live with you.

But if my new partner ever expressed such hostility to the idea of my daughter living with me, I certainly would question if she is the right partner for me.

To me my daughter comes first and foremost and my future partner would have to accept that fact. Then again may be I am being a little naive here, not being in such a situation.

we are trying to work things out and going to get counselling this week. its a big thing she said she will only move forward if I accept that solution!!
its eating away at me. yes it may not happen but its making the point im looking out for my son! the door should always be open to him and he has a room now so I don't see the problem if he wanted to live with us full time

I totally get that it's the principal of the matter that's eating you up.

Good luck with counselling, I hope you get somewhere with that.

Best wishes

should she accept that if my son wanted to live with us it shouldn't be a problem?

I hope your counsellor might help you both see how the current situation is making you both feel. At the end of the day, if she won't budge on the point, you can't force her to accept something she doesn't want to & then it will be down to you whether you accept her position or not. It is a huge issue for you both to have different positions on. I can see how it could be a deal breaker. Thing is, your son is 8 and I'm assuming she knew all about him since the start of your relationship.

yeah she has known from day one about him. This is something that may not ever happen but if it were to happen I want to be there for my son and welcome him to stay aslong as he wants and I feel that's how it should be no matter what

I totally agree with you, but if counselling doesn't change her views on the matter then you will have to decide if you want to remain in a relationship with someone, knowing they would not be happy to have your child living in your home. Sorry, I realise that's quite blunt but what you allow will continue and you cannot force her to change her views on the matter.