Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi everyone,
This is my first post on this forum 🙂 and i'm after a bit of advice/support from people that might understand what's happening or maybe have been in the same situation......
It looks like my marriage is coming to an end, and we've got a young son.
The marriage ending i can live with, i've done some horrible things, and i don't particularly like my wife anymore, so it's probably best all round. However, walking away from my son is going to really hurt.
I've been offered a job (with a large pay rise) over 300 miles away. The area is nice, it is a lot closer to my family and it would be ideal, but I would be so far away from my son (who i adore).
I know with all the technological advances i can see him on skype every night, and probably get to go and see him every month, but I don't want him to feel that i dont love him, and that i'm leaving because of him, and all those type of things.
My wife has said that she wouldn't allow me to take him away overnight - she cant do that can she? i would love to take him away for the weekend, maybe even to the place that i maybe moving to.
What do people think? I apologise if i've rambled and not made sense.
This is a very difficult time for you and there are big decisions to make that will effect you all.
I think that you both owe it to your son to try and work together to try and mitigate some of the stress and distress that your child will experience from the separation of one of his parents.
It would be a good idea if you could sit down with a trained practitioner and talk through all of the issues that separation brings and the impact it has on all involved. Relate are an agency that springs to mind as they are experienced in family break up. The tone you set now will be the tone that will colour your relationship with your wife and child for some time to come, that's why it's important to try and sort this out now before things take on a life of their own. Break ups are never easy, detangling from each other can cause hurt and bitterness, with the child right in the middle of it all.
Mediation might be another avenue you could explore to try and get some agreement in place. She can more or less dictate what you can and can't do with your son, it's often the only form of control a woman has when the husband leaves, and often the children become the weapon to punish the husband/father with. If you can spend the time and effort now and both get round the table with a trained professional, then the nastier side of breaking up may well be avoided.
Here are links to both agencies.
www.relate.org
www.nfm.org.uk
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.