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Hi, a girl I was seeing fell pregnant very quickly after initially meeting her. Since then we have had a baby boy who i love and we have moved in together. Everything I have done so far is for my child.
The issue here is that I do not love her and this is starting to show.
I work day and night to ensure we have everything and that we want for nothing.
I admit that I am there for my boy, to ensure that he gets the best from life and that we are close.
She has told me a few times that she wants to finish and that when our lease is up that she wants to go her seperate way.
I am doing my best to keep her reassured and keep myself together, however cracks are starting to form.
Shes a strong woman, with an attitude. There is literally no talking to her. Our families are worlds apart and I dont want to see my boy looking up to and turning out like her brothers etc.
I am at my wits end, i put on a brave face but deep down she scares me as he is my weakness.
To add to this she is the kind of person who would accuse me of having a drinkning problem... WHICH I DO NOT HAVE!
Im a 28 year old, who prior to having my child was out every night enjoying life. Since the birth I have had some sociable drinks (wet the babies head\sociable drinks on a friday after work) but nothing like before.
She could really take this to the extreme and im terrified.
Im quitting going out any more so she cant use it as a weapon, but this is scaring the life out of me.
I realy need help with this, I have no idea what more I can do... what are my options?
I really hope to get a response.
Thanks
U should get legal advice in the first place, then , as you don't love each other , look to part amicably. U need to understand that staying in a relationship which is loveless can have an adverse affect on your son and can damage him in the long run. If u think she could use your social drinking as a gambit then u need to inform ur solicitor and keep a log detailing when u go out, time u leave, who u see, how much u drink and what time u arrive home. Ur mates/drinking buddies should also be aware of the log and if necessary be willing to speak up for u. This is part of the advice I was given by a great counsellor who helped me through my divorce, she's relate trained if u want I can pass her email onto u and u can get some advice off her. I know she's not working for relate any more and don't charge for her time f it's just advice
Yes please that would be great.
This is by far the worst thing i have ever had to do, I stayed to do the right thing and stick with my boy.. i was willing to sacrifice my happiness for my son ... in the end ive just made everything worse...
thanks for your help
Hello Alex
Thank you for your enquiry. I can appreciate, it is for you, a very difficult dilemma to find yourself in. On the one hand you are doing everything possible to maintain an amicable environment for your son to grow up in and on the other trying to maintain a relationship with a person that you say you do not love. It is important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and decide if it is feasible to maintain a relationship in these circumstances. From reading your enquiry it sounds as if your girlfriend already senses that something is wrong, as you say she wants to separate, when your lease runs out. It is often, at times like these, helpful to talk through your thoughts and feelings about your relationship, to formulate a decision about staying or leaving the relationship in a supportive way for you all. Relate can help here and offers support to both couples and individual. Their number is 0300 100 1234.
If you decide to end your relationship, it is important at that point to plan together how you will manage your son’s upbringing and how and when you will have access to him. It is important that your son experiences parents that are united in their approach to his care as this will give him a sense of stability, as well as security and some boundaries, which are essential for his future growth and development.
It sounds from your enquiry that it would be difficult for you to have a constructive conversation about these issues with your girlfriend at this time. In this situation you may find it helpful to have these discussions in an impartial setting such as in mediation. This will give you both the space to be able to get your views out in the open but in a safe environment.
In terms of your legal rights in relation to access to your son, (if you were to decide to end the relationship), there is some good information on dad info, the link is: http://www.dad.info/separation/law-and-rights/fathers-rights-to-see-their-children-law-in-the-uk Also if needed, talk to the Citizens Advice Bureau for some free legal advice, http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ They will also be able to offer you some firm advice about where you stand with your partner using your history of drinking against you.
I hope you find this information helpful. Whatever your decision, take care.
Joanne, Relate.
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