[Solved] I need some help

Hello JWC,

You are NOT, quote, "a terrible person and a terrible dad." Neither should you feel, quote, "incredible guilty." By thinking this of yourself you are punishing yourself needlessly.

Both you and your wife must be extremely tired. Concentrate on getting as much sleep as you can and eating properly. A very important factor is for you and your wife to communicate, openly and affectionately with one another. Make time for each other, however short a time it may be each day.

I believe that with having twins, double the work, your life has changed dramatically over the last 18 months and that you have not given yourself time to readjust fully but you will.

I believe having babies is an emotional roller coaster.

First, there is the excitement, anticipation and concern during the pregnancy.

Second, the birth, the help initially offered, the fuss everyone makes which only lasts for a few weeks. After which there then can be what I call a "flat period." By which I mean all the excitement and fuss is over with and then begins the hard work.

Third, the reality that life has changed completely from what it was before. The responsibility which can be daunting and make us feel trapped and as a consequence guilty for how we feel. It is no wonder we can feel uncomfortable and think at times we want to go back to our comfort zone which is the life we had before.

Fourth, children grow so quickly in a short space of time and as they do, the hard work, being over tired will reduce considerably and disappear along with the unwanted feelings you are having at present.

Fifth, you have with your children, in the very near future, a lot of fun and laughter coming your way. You probably cannot see it at the moment but allow yourself to believe that you and your wife can create a new and happy family life together.

Sixth, be patient and kind to yourself. You and your wife need to rekindle the love and affection which is there but is probably not coming to the fore at present as much as it needs to, due to both of you being extremely tired.

I agree with everything MoaF has posted above. One thing in your post, you feel as though you are depressed - I would get yourself to a GP and talk about this, it may be that a short course of medication may be all (or part of) you need to get you back on track.

Agree with all of the above.

Def second a trip to the GP. Medication can work wonders these days.

It's incredibly hard work becoming parents and often takes a lot of adjusting.

Go easy on yourself. Make sure you're eating properly and maybe try to have an open chat with your wife.

Thank you for your responses, i really appreciate them. It's great to know that I can get advice here so please know that I am grateful for your time and thoughts.

I have decided to go and see a GP about depression and I've recently spoken to the charity calm, who talked to me about CBT therapy which i think might be the way forward. I feel like i need to gain some control over my feelings and reactions to feeling this way to improve my life and the lives of my wife and the twins.

If anyone has any tips on ways of coping with feeling irritable i'd love to hear them. It's usually when I feel irritable the whole spiral starts which causes problems at home and leaves me feeling the lowest. I can't even claim to be being rational sometimes and i hate it, so any advice would be appreciated.

I've been really reticent to consider anti depressants before, and still am to an extent, but I'll speak with my GP and take it from there. It would be great to hear from anyone who has had any first hand experience of their effects. To be honest, i'm frightened of them and how they might affect me overall. I know they can help with the really low moods, but i don't want to lose the feeling of really happy either, which i do feel from time to time. What i know about their effects is pretty limited, so if anyone can shed some light on the subject that would be great.

Thanks again.