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Thanks for stopping by to hear this huge problem I have put myself in,a positive advice will do me loads of good.
I met a lady 3 years back,she is a mother of two from her previous relationship. Two of the kids had different dads aged 8 and 3 when I met her.
The boy (8) had contact with his dad often and the girl (3) never did,never saw her dad even as he left her mum when she was 6months pregnant (that's what she told me). The girl practically sees me as her dad and I was ok with it tbh. And while I was in the relationship I practically did a lot for the kids. Did school runs even,extra lesson with her son and I was enjoying been a dad even tho the kids weren't biologically mine. The little girl,She grow to love me as her Dad and I grew to love her as my daughter until this huge storm arrived in our relationship.
I am not allowed to go work.
Not allowed to see a friend only if she comes along with me.
Not alone to do anything really and she became abusive (physically).
I still stayed in the relationship because we found out she was pregnant and this time carrying my son.
Try working things out but still didn't work. She became controlling and even tells me the girl isn't my child! Says it to my face.. Also she says words like "I am obsessed with another mans child".
My son was born. Was a day of joy but didn't last long. We ended up spelling up . I was still allowed contact to my son and still played a fatherly role to the girl as well until when she met a new fellow.
I dropped off the kids on a Saturday and the little girl got told off for hitting people with an umberella in the bus . She was crying and her fellow said "its alright I will sort you out' told my ex nicely on the phone about it . I didn't like him booting in while I am sorting stuff out with her. She told me I am feeling threatened and I should remember am not her biological dad. She stopped me seeing her was still having my son . Months later she and her fellow split up and she wants me to have her back . Her daughter was crying on the phone saying she misses me and I couldn't help but have her back .
In between I am in a relationship now and my gf is pregnant about to be give birth in few months . Also the little girl have been coming to mine with my son. Of resent there was a problem . I told her can't pick her from school this Friday as I will be work but will get my son from her during the day . She's turn round and told me 'if am not taking her,I am not having my son'
She is ruining my head,my relationship,and my life
I need some advice sorry for the long essay.
Hi and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time, it must be really hard on the children and you and your current partner.
Personally, I would suggest trying to go to mediation with your ex to see if you can work out an agreement for your son and step daughter. If you're unable to resolve things that way, your only other choice would be an application to court and attempting mediation is mandatory before you can do this anyway.
As you won't have Parental Responsibility for your step daughter, there is no guarantee a court would award contact for her although it would be at the discretion of the court. If her father doesn't have anything to do with her, there is usually a greater chance of this being considered.
Keep posting and we will do what we can to advise and assist you. Here's a link to National Family Mediation where you will be able to find your closest mediator.
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
Thanks a lot for the reply and also your advice is really appreciated. Also I thought I should update you with some details I have missed out.
My step daughter Dad in trying to be there for his daughter now but he isn't in the country. After 5 years he decides to want to be a dad in her life (all this the mum told me and showed me with profs).
The thing is .. I love my step daughter and I chose to be there for her because her dad wasn't there and she sees me as her dad,but what I don't want to do is to leave a life of lie with her knowing she have a chance to meet her biological dad (if he is serious) and I get in between that , I don't want to live that type of life with her 🙁
It's a very tough decision to make and I have spoken to my ex about we thinking of telling her the truth now that her dad is wanting to see her.
But she says no.. 'You are her dad and no one else'
She doesn't see it from where I see it.
She is abit selfish.
Also she does it because she wants to play me with both kids.. For instance when I can't go to get the girl she tells me my biological son isn't coming then.
Tbh I am ready to let her go.
She decides to keep her dad away from her
I don't think it's a good idea.
Who do I do ? She is trying to come in between my son relationship and I as she's said if She isn't coming then I am not having my son.