[Solved] i feel like im in a losing battle

Hi there

I think many dads can relate to whats happening to you, during the early stages of pregnancy the woman's hormones are all over the place...added to that are the natural fears about having the baby and the huge changes that brings.

I think you need the support of your family, try and maintain contact with them, even if it's with phone calls or texts. It unfortunate that they got off to a bad start with your partner, but hopefully given time and once the baby arrives things may settle down.

At the moment you are doing the right thing by trying to avoid conflict, once the first 3-4 months are out of the way her hormones should settle and things will calm down.

Best of luck.

Mojo

many thank to your reply .
this is my first and my god its a chalenge already with her .
i am worred about somthing but i dont no if this is the place to discusse it .
as i feel that part of the reason she is like this is because of the thing im unsure to talk about.

Hi There,
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I agree with Mojo, in the early stages your partners going through it a bit, be supportive and just be there for her as you are.
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If you want to talk about the other thing send either myself or Mojo a private message and we will answer as soon as we can. if you click our user name it will take you to our profile and then on the left you will see private message.
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GTTS

i will take trhis on bored many thanks .

We understand biggy, if there are things that you feel uncomfortable talking openly about, as GTTS has said, please feel free to send any of us a private message. If you don't want to talk about what's bothering you, or aren't ready that's fine too.

Sometimes talking about our worries does help, just the act of sharing a problem makes it a little lighter to bear...if we can help we will do our best to support you.

another thing as i said before about my family i said to her today " i should go see my mum dad at some point "
her reply was well have fun so i said well why you saying that she said because im not coming with you.

so not only do i feel like she is trying to control me but i feel like i cant see my family no more but yet we can go see her dad and nan ! angers me so much

Hi,
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This is a tough one, but you maybe need to make a stand and go without her, then maybe after a few visits on your own suggest that you all go out somewhere, maybe not a meal where you are all sat around and conversations mean that your partner could be left out, but maybe a walk somewhere or something less formal.
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GTTS

GTTS i get what your saying but dont juge me as a push over but if i say right im going to see them it all suddley becomes a big fuss and a argument .

but im off all next week so im going to say to her right im going to mums tonight you will have to make your own way home from work, or i pick her up then go but agen just a big fuss

Hello biggy119

Next week when you go to see mum and dad, I would suggest you pick her up first from work and take her home. I think the other option leaves you open to there being an argument (beginning something like this , "You can go and see your parents but not fetch me from work?"). I think she would feel rejected if you didn't pick her up from work first or feel she was taking second place to your parents.

I believe you must stay in contact with your family. Do they know how she feels and reacts to you at the mention of them? Can they help by smoothing things over in a pleasant and sensible way? Can you all meet up for one hour (only) for a coffee (neutral territory), if you do , stay with her for all of that hour. I think part of this arguing is that she feels insecure and unsure as to her "place" in your family. I think she needs to feel your family are interested in her.

I would try not to react to her unnecessary / argumentative comments.

A good yardstick is to ask yourself when a contentious subject crops up, is to say to yourself, "is it fair, is it reasonable?" Whichever partner is not being fair and reasonable then it is for them to change and not the one who is being fair and reasonable. For example, it is fair and reasonable that you should stay in contact with your family, it would be very unfair and unreasonable for anyone to expect you to not see them, in which case, you should see them.

Try building bridges with her and enlist the help of your family.

motherofafather

many thanks for your post along with everyone els .

i will try my best and see what i can do you have given good pointers

Sometimes when we become anxious about something before it happens, it can make things worse. If you can why don't you try to let go of worrying about what her reaction might be....sometimes we transfer our own anxieties onto others and perhaps there's an element of this going on with your partner.

I think MotherofaFather has made some good suggestions, it might be worth organising a family get together, just something informal. If you speak to your family about how insecure she is feeling and ask for their support to make her feel more part of things it might help....these things take time and a little bit of effort, but it will be well worth it in the end.