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[Solved] How to tell her?

 
(@Dad1.5)
Active Member Registered

Hi all, new poster here!
I am a 30 y.o. father of 1.5 (another on the way) and basically I have fallen out of love with my wife. I have spoken to my sister and my dad about it but I don't know how to have the conversation with my wife.

I work away from home so I guess it's natural that we have grown apart, the problem is now we have let the rift grow to such an extent I don't know if I want to try and save the marriage or move on. So confused!

I have no bad feelings towards my wife or 3 year old son (he is the best person ever!) But I need more from a marriage than just a friend.

I have never been very good at being on my own and got together with my wife when I got home from Afghanistan 6 years ago. In the process of doing that I shut out the woman who I can only describe as my soul mate who I was with before I went.

My relationship with my wife has always been rocky but never outright bad, I just feel that we were never as close as we should be.

I don't know what to do, I am missing that sense of connection with another person. Do I try and fix things up with my OH for another couple of years for the kids sake or do I look for happiness?

I guess there is no right or wrong answer but it feels good to get it off my chest.

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Topic starter Posted : 29/09/2015 6:03 pm
(@steveb-1)
Eminent Member Registered

Hello, I stumbled across your post whilst on here requesting some advice in connection with my own issues which I'll happily spare you! Your story struck a chord with me because it is very similar to a situation that I was in. I agree that there is no right or wrong answer so trust your gut instinct and do what you feel is in your best interest and that of your child(ren). I left my wife a number of years ago because it wasn't working out and hadn't been for a long time. At the time our child was only 10 months old and I, like you, could have gritted my teeth and stuck it out for longer but I decided that the relationship was beyond repair and that it was now or never to pull the trigger whilst our son was so young so that he's never known any different than his mum and dad living apart and he thinks that's the norm. as it actually is for him. Whilst I endure daily some quite nasty life changing injuries there is nothing so far that has come close to the pain I went through when I left my wife (even though leaving her has turned out to be the right decision) because not seeing my son very often and still fighting a number of years on to get reasonable contact with him is, putting it very mildly, unpleasant. No way am I suggesting what to do here, just offering what I did and my reasons for it. I can only wish you luck and hope that things work out in the fullness of time whatever you decide is best for you and your family. Best Regards, Steve

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/09/2015 11:38 pm
(@Dad1.5)
Active Member Registered

Thanks Steve, I am going to sit down and try and talk it out with her tomorrow. I guess where I go from here largely depends on how she reacts. I just can't help feeling she isn't the right one for me but I know it's gonna be like cutting off one of my own arms to actually break up.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 29/09/2015 11:57 pm
 Yoda
(@yoda)
Famed Member

Hi, welcome and good luck to you for whatever you decide.

It might be worth suggesting couples counselling to your wife, to see if it changes things for either of you. You might find you can work through things together or if you are unable to salvage things; hopefully you can work through things together in the best interests of your child(ren).

http://www.relate.org.uk/

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30/09/2015 11:16 am
(@Dad1.5)
Active Member Registered

Thanks Yoda, I will look into it.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 30/09/2015 12:46 pm
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