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Evening.
Its been nearly 12 months now since I split with my ex-fiancee, and we've a beautiful 2 year old daughter between us.
She's moved on to a new relationship in the past couple of months, and he's practically moved in with her. I've not found anyone since, been trying!
My heart sinks every time I drop her off at her mothers house, with her running into the house knowing he's there, and I always walk away with gut wrenching thoughts of how he gets to say good night to her the majority of the week when it should be be, but sadly my job doesn't allow it.
I also feel like a "babysitter" some days and not a Dad.
So how does someone cope with this? I find myself some nights sobbing away, whilst other nights i spontaneously spend money to make me feel better!
If it wasn't for my job's stringent alcohol policy, I'd probably be an alchi by now haha!
Thanks
Hi
I'm afraid there's no easy answer to this. You need to look after yourself first and foremost, and then eventually evrything will hopefully start to fall into place. Joining a gym is often a good start, and don't be tempted by alcohol as that is a downwards spiral, even aside the affect it will have on your job. It's going to be a slow process, so try to accept this.
Hi there
It's never easy.... But you've had two years to form a close bond with your little girl and you are her Daddy and hold a special place in her heart.. The bond between a father and daughter goes beyond everything, no other person can replace you in your little ones heart.
So while you are together make sure you build wonderful memories for her to cherish and try not to worry about the other people in her life....with any luck he will be a nice guy that will be kind to her, if she has to live with someone other than you better that she likes him and he is kind to her don't you think.
It will get easier, you just have to let go of the worry that you can be replaced....that's not going to happen.
Brilliant advice there by actd take care of yourself man thats the most important thing you're daughter will need a strong daddy I often burst into tears when dropping my daughter off after brilliant weekends together my girl is the same age as yours, I've recently found out about my ex's antics I won't go into it but I can relate to your situation, that aside I miss my girl bad through the week wednesdays being the worst so I've learned the art of distraction I do all sorts of hobbies all which I love it just keeps my mind busy, start exercising, buy yourself some new clothes, go out and socialise more, go and see old friends and family, join a dating site if your ex is getting on with her life you get on with yours 🙂
Defo don't go down the drinking route, I can't and don't drink normally and just [censored] off on holiday and have my blow outs over there a couple of times a year I always do fun stuff with my girl and I involve her in all my hobbies and little side lines we go to festivals and other music events she's such a well rounded kid at her age, You're never considered a baby sitter you're your girls dad and you always will be.
all the best
Slim
Hi,
Yes I agree with everyone above, you need to look after yourself first.
In my first marriage, I have a daughter who was 4 when the first ex had an affair, my daughter is now 14, and comes to stay every weekend, unless she now has plans etc.....
Just going through another marriage break up, so I am trying to be strong for my daughter who is very understanding and supportive, I can lean on her a little bit now!.
I am currently at my mums house, waiting for my flat to be ready, has tenants in.
So once I move in she will come over and help.
So just try and keep busy, I now its not easy because I just want to sit around and watch tv, but I will join a dating site once in flat, get chatting and that will pass time.
Keep strong.
Goatjazz
I would echo everything that the others have said, unfortunately these things do take time and you have to look after yourself, make yourself happy. Maybe take up a hobby, exercise or join some groups. With regard to meeting someone else - it will happen, but probably when you're not looking for it, make yourself happy first before you can consider being with someone else. It's all too easy to look to someone else to make us happy and that's not fair on them or you and you could end up in an unsuitable relationship that way.
Some excellent advice there, much appreciated guys.
One thing I can't do is drink, as my job doesn't allow it, but what it does allow is time for a new hobby. I'll have to find one!
I cherish every second with my daughter, and she loves being with me which is great to see.
I'm trying my best to meet someone new, but I'm finding it hardto pluck the courage to ask a woman out, as my past relationship, in my eyes, is still a fresh wound.
I feel for you, I really do. I have a six year old daughter who I've only had sporadic contact since she was 2 and a half. She lives with my ex-wife and although I have a contact order it she just ignores it.I have since remarried and my ex makes out that my daughter no longer wants to see me as she does not want anything to do with my wife. My ex is such a horrible [censored] and will use any excuse to stop me seeing my little girl. All I can do is encourage you not to give up and to move forward with your life - you will always be dad to your daughter and nothing can change that.