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Hi all. I have 3 children who are 13. 11 and 8 i have been married 13 years nearly.
I feel depressed when im with the wife. We have had our upd and downs like most couples.
I have tried talking to my wife a few times but she cant see that there is anything wrong and blames everything on me.
Everytime we have an arguement or she has a drink she always tells me she wants a divorce but then the next morning it always blows over and everything goes back to normal. I have thought about leaving a few times but i dont want to upset the kids or for them to resent me because i know that she will turn them against me and as i have nowhere to go as the house is adapted for me as im disabled im finding it very hard to live with her now.
Another thing that reallly gets on my nerves is that She never helps me with driving the children around to out of school clubs. As she says she doesnt like driving but if one of her family wants to go somewhere then she will drive no matter how far it is.
As i said it been like this for a few years and things are only getting worse. I have suggested seeing a councellor but she dont even want to do that as she cant see anything is wronf. She goes to bed early every night. That is the only time i have to myself as she is with me 24/7 as she is my carer but does more for other people than me.
I have nobody to turn to as my friends desertef mr ehen u got married and never seen them since. I dont have much family either.
I dont know what to do for the best. As i cant keep living like this. Im going out of my mind.
Sorry for the long and winded essay
Hi James34, sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it.
I hear that you've broached the subject of counselling before with your wife. I know this can be challenging for both sides as it can come across as being problem-driven rather than the focus on strengthening your communication where you can.
Where you can try to focus on sharing how you feel (not directly having a go at her) and how a service like Relate can help provide a safe space to share any areas for improvement in the relationship. If you position it as allowing you both to become the best parents you can be for the kids, and the best partners for each other that may be a sensible starting point.
Again, positioning things as "I feel a bit overwhelmed at times with all the out of school runs" rather than "I don't think you do enough" helps to facilitate positive convo, and not come across as complaints.
Trying to work on the issues together now may be wholly more sensible than the path that it leads to (divorce/child battles etc).
Fingers crossed for you my friend,
CD.
I would go and see Relate - you can go on your own, certainly at first - that might help you to see which way you want to go.
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