Thanks for joining us on the forum – glad to have you here. You are welcome to post 24/7 but please note that whilst we have forum moderators we will only be moderating the forum during office hours. If though you need urgent crisis help, please contact Samaritans on 116 123.
Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.
Reporting a concern
It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.
The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.
Report child abuse or neglect to your local council
Use these links to get in touch with your local council:
Hello,
I have an 18yo daughter from a previous marriage (raised mainly by her mum) and I have a baby son with my second wife of 12 years. Since my son has arrived and my daughter has gone to Uni, relationships between us all have become strained. My daughter doesn't seem to want a relationship with her brother, and my wife won't speak to my daughter as she backed out of a family holiday to France at the last minute. I'm really confused. My wife wants the four of us to become a unit (of sorts) and is frustrated at my inability to make this happen,and also that I can't see any wrong in my daughter. She's right of course, but I don't want to start a new path in my relationship with my daughter, and I don't want to upset my wife. I want the four of us to be able to be together comfortably and I can't see a way forward. Does anyone have any advice?
Your daughter is a teenager, she is now experiencing life at Uni and her new found independence, so I wouldn't read too much into this to be honest. Have you tried to talk to her about it, just to let her know how important she is to you and your wife and how much you would like to do things together as a family and for her to get to know her little brother.
Do you think that her mum might be making her feel that she shouldn't get involved? She might be reacting because she doesn't want to upset her mum by becoming close to you and your new family? It might be a long time since you split from your ex but feelings of jealousy can surface when a new child is in the mix.
Thanks NJ
Firstly, her mum is excellent in general in encouraging our daughter to make the most of her relationship with me and my new family.
The main issue is with my wife who wants me to stop passing all control of situations to my daughter, (she can do no wrong syndrome) and do more to encourage the four of us to grow together. I struggle with this as I'm quite set in my ways and my pattern of behaviour is to try and keep my daughter happy, especially as I only see her once a month on average. I can see my wife's point of view, but I just feel stuck. Do I change my behaviour to my daughter and risk alienating her, or keep the status quo and fall out with my wife?
I'm going to see my daughter on Wednesday which is an excellent opportunity to put that question you suggested to her. I think she'll be receptive.
Anyways, its a challenge and it can all work, I just need a fresh perspective.