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Hello to you all. Hope everyone is ok.
I will apologise now for the disjointed feel of the comming message but please bear with me...
A littla background about us:
My wife and I have been together since we were 18 and married for almost 8 years now. (counts his fingers) My god, thats 15 years, argh!
I work approximately 60 hours a week to support my family and so we can afford for my wife to stay home to raise the children. Money is tight but not a problem. My wife has been a stay at home mum for the last 4 years (with our first child)and has just given birth to our new daughter.
When our first child came along there were some hormonal rage outbursts from her but generally nothing TOO bad. I am a very broad shouldered person generally so I can let it go over my head.
With our new daughter, pretty much since the first day she came home from the hospital, she has been cold, distant and normally angry at me for the majority of the time for one reason or another.
She said she is sick to death of me never listening to her. While I'm sure we can all agree to dropping the odd thick moment and not hearing something that is said, generally I always pay attention to her wants and needs etc so this is kind of a new thing. She has told me approximately 7 times now that she doesn't need me and that I am just getting in her way with raising our children. She has also told me repeatedly that she doesn't know why I'm still there.
Are you following me so far?
She says that she understands that I need to sleep Monday - Thursday nights (with Friday and Saturday as the days I will keep our new daughter with me so my wife can sleep), it seems that the more tired she gets, the nastier she gets and the more it wears on me and our four year old. She seems to think that she is the only one who is tired etc. From the second I get home at night, I cook and clean and do everything I can to take the pressure off of her but it seems that even this is wrong!
More story to follow but the long and the short is that as of yesterday morning, we are on a one week notice period to see if we can turn things around. Does the above sound crazy to you or is it just me?
Also in addition to cooking and cleaning I am doing all the laundry and looking after our 4 year old. Our 4 year old has visibly pulled away from my wife, she seems to have "gone off" her if that makes sense. She is still the same little girl with me but just doesn't seem to like her mum anymore.
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I have to say I don't think the one week's notice is a good idea (it ranks along with trial separations in my view), all that will happen is that you will both count down the days until you separate. I would suggest that you should consider going to Relate (there is a link at the bottom of the forum) to see if you can resolve matters before it goes too far.
I agree as much as it may sound like a good idea, it may be the start of the end.
From different post on here this doesn't sound un common and as actd says relate might be a better option, if your wife is feeling stubborn than the one week will come and go without getting anywhere.
What are you looking for from it all, are used wanting from this?
Darren
I am no expert but could your wife be suffering from a form of post natal depression?
Why not see if there is someone in the family who could have the kids for a weekend and the pair of you try to get away for a couple of days - go to the seaside or do something else together (it doesnt have to be expensive). Think the space may help
Good luck!
A quick update.
Thank you all for your replies, I'm sorry I have been off the radar and unable to update here.
Things sorted themselves out to a point. Now it seems that every weekend my wife seems to find a massive flaw with me in one shape or another and we have ended up arguing a lot.
The latest and greatest is that I don't always wake up if either of the kids is crying. If I do wake up I am out of bed like a shot to sort them out so it isn't a willing neglect, far from it!
At 3.30 this morning she threw a wobbler at me and blamed my being over weight and the fact that I smoke on my overly "heavy" sleeping.
In addition, I would like to add that I have been scoring her early nights during the week by staying up with the baby until 1am ish when she has had her last feed and is back asleep. That way my wife could get a few hours of shut eye in. What is the solution chaps, I don't know what to do!
How do you explain to someone "I just worked a 58 hour week and I'm shattered, what do you expect?".