[Solved] Heart Broken 14 year old son refuses to see me

Hi There,

Firstly don't blame yourself, you have done what any dad would, a child is rude and cheeky or abusive towards you then you tell them off, what and how you saay it doesn't really come into it, you didn't abuse him physically or mentally, you just told him how he was behaving wasn't acceptable, and even then his response was of disragard for you.

I would say that your issue here isn't what you've done by telling him off, it's how his mother is talking and treating him, I would imagine she isn't telling him off and is allowing him to do what he wants, so when you then use some disciplin he has reacted to you becuase of it. Chldren of any age know how to play adults and will generally take the easier option, even when mum and dad are together, if they know one of them would say no, they will ask the one who they feel will saay yes.

I would stop trying to spoil him, as he isn't appreciating it, your sending money and gifts and I bet you don't even get a thank you for it, If your son is 14 why isn't he getting his dental work on the NHS?

I know none of the above will help repair your relationship with him, but hopefully will make you feel better about your self, you haven't done anything wrong, even the reason for the break up was down to your ex, so your not even to blame there.

That said your son may be placing the blmae on you as in effect your the one that left, you didn't have any choice in that but that is how he may feel, you will need to try and talk to him, and explain how much you miss him, but at 14 he is at an age where he will start to be making his own decisions and spending more and more time with his friends, so you are going to face an up hill battle to get close to him.

I would write him some heart felt letters, maybe give them to his sister to hand to him so you know they get too him, explain the pain your feeling and how much you want to have a relationship with him, stop appologuising to him over shouting at him though as that is a normal reaction.

Hope some of the above helps.

GTTS

I agree with GTTS, this stems from the mother and the lies she has told him. He probably feels he needs to protect his mother, there are lots of psychological markers involved and it might help you to understand what is happening....your son is as much a victim as you and he is suffering parental alienation at the hands of his mother.

There is a renowned expert in this field and her name is Karen Woodall. It might help you to read some of her work, she has a very successful blog, she runs a clinic and has written books with her husband on this subject.

www.karenwoodall.wordpress.com

Clinic@separatedfamilies.org.uk

This guys work may also help ...

www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/pas.htm

Best of luck with it.

Firstly

Sounds like my son, mines 12. A lot is down to him being alienated and the way his dad behaves, I tell him off, dad rings police, when I "get moody" with him it's "child abuse".
He never wants to come see me cause Odontoceti lavish him with expensive things. I still text, ring, email as much as I can and sometimes I can get him when he's in a good mood, not often though.
Last week he kicked me so hard in the stomach he winded me and i dropped to my knees. The next day rather than his dad have him apologise he tried to justify his actions by saying I "must have done something to pee him off"!! Then accused me of lying.

I'll never be able to change the way his dad behaves I'm just hoping and praying that one day my 12 yr old will see sense.

Just keep at it with the contact. Keep texting, it's hard being rejected but as long as he knows your there, that's all that matters.