[Solved] Going through hell...

Hi Both,

I think you are both right. I'm going not going to close the court date or anything and keep it running.
We have an appointment with Mediation on the 11th - Was meant to be the other week but she couldn't make it. Hopefully that will put more light into what she is thinking but I'm still worrying she will change her mind whatever is agreed. Which is why a court order might reinstate my position and that I need to see my son. - which is the consent order I'm guessing?

Exactly...the way she acted about me asking for a copy of the birth cert (original) did put me on guard, as I felt she was hiding something.

BD thanks for reminding me of that...with all the things she's done through out this. I forget so much.

Thanks again both of you...

Don't fall for it! they all try that IF you do this or do that stop the court case rubbish, Don't get hung up on all this getting on the birth certificate malarky as it does not mean you have any right to see or spend time with your child the MOST important thing is getting decent contact with your child.

Mediation rarely works but you have to try it before you make an application to court and all these mediators have jumped on the gravy train you need them to sign you off when it fails and plough on with the court case like I said do not stop the court case because you get on the birth certificate you can apply for PR in court whilst you go for contact.

Even if you get on the BC it gives you no rights what so ever to see your child and the ex can just stop contact at anytime they you'll be back to square one and have to start it all over again I did exactly what you have done so far I wish I knew what I know now and maybe I wouldn't of not seen my baby daughter for 9 whole months.

At the end of the day the court WILL grant you decent and meaningful contact with your child but it just takes forever so the sooner you get to court the better.

Are you still using a solicitor? The reason I said go it alone before was because like you said they charge you to send letters ect the ex doesn't reply and it ends up costing you an arm and a leg and once you get into the case the costs sky rocket and having the financial burden on your mind whilst your going through the court process will be crippling when if you go it alone you can do a better job and it with only cost you £215 from start to finish.

Slim 🙂

Hi Slim,

I've been to mediation already and they signed me off to proceed with court. However my ex now says that she will do mediation with me and come to an agreement through it.

So we are starting it on the 11th with court 2 weeks later. (might need to get it pushed back)

I think you're all right. I still think it might go to court and make sure it's all done through it. It's wrote down then and if she goes against it, i can just take her back to court.

EDIT: Re solistior. Yeah i stil have one, the fees have been a little high but i think in a way it showed her and her family i wasn't messing around. To be honest, to costs haven't been too bad. 🙂

Ahhhh that's good news don't let her sway you, my ex done exactly the same refused mediation then decided she wanted to go during the case and towards the end, You will find mediation is completely pointless and costs a fortune and the actual Judges are brilliant mediators they're excellent at making you both come to an agreement I just left it to them to talk the ex round in the end and it worked a treat.

Ex's seem to think that mediation means you don't have to go to court then they realise how much it costs and don't bother going or do go if you pay then drag it out for as long as possible to hit you in the pocket,

I can't stand mediators they're absolute scumbags I can't make my mind up who I hate the most, mediators, cafcass of solicitors........hhhhmmmmmm lol 🙂

haha!

Sorry to hear she did that, sounds like the woman i'm dealing with...

She has legal aid so it's not costing her anything. She said she didn't want to go to court 'because she wouldn't win'...then told me it hadn't cost her a penny to get where we are today. (It's cost me over a thousand) Women really do like to hit the pocket.

Glad the judges are good, to be fair the mediator I had, seemed to take my side when i went through what happened.

What I am worried about now is the religion aspect. As my ex is an Jehovah's Witness, there is a lot to know.
I've put in my court application that without PR i don't have a say if my son needs blood etc.

Do you know what rights i'll have once I have PR? Can I limit his time with the religion?

They're all like it, it's like they are trained in exactly what to do to deny a father his child it's unreal.

Fill out a C1 form it will cost you £90 to attach it to your existing application same again thats where I went wrong and didn't fill out the C1 for parental responsibility, yeah PR gives you rights just the same as the mother on schooling medical and religion.

Yeah It does hit you in the pocket when you use a solicitor I went it alone throughout with advice off peeps on here I managed to get an order in place in half the time of people who have a solicitor I think I done a better job the courts did say I was way more prepared and knew the system better than solicitors which was a bonus.

I lead my ex to think that the courts were costing me a fortune as she didn't know it only cost me £400 in total for the application, mediators fee and filling out that extra c1 form for parental responsibility.

What did hit me in the pocket were all the negative drug tests time off work for the [censored] parenting course and compiling the court bundles.

My ex has suddenly "found god" but I think she is calming down on all that happy clapping business now the court is over.

She's right she won't "win" My ex was the same they see it like a battle with no regard for the child it's all a battle to destroy you in their eyes, you will find that once the courts is in progress she will chill a little although my ex still blows hot and cold one day she's fine then the next she's a stupid little girl I've just changed the way I deal with her it's annoying but I have to for the sake of my daughter.

Will get onto the C1 form tonight if my solicitor hasn't.

wow it must have been rough? fair play for doing it yourself, i just don't think i'd have the [censored] to. You've obviously done well and got contact etc which is the main thing.

I am still in shock at just how easy it is for mothers to register the birth without the father or being forced to give details. I'm actually arranging a meeting with my local MP to talk about this.

Re the religion...that's another thing to worry about. I hope I can stop him being brainwashed into the cult that it is.

Yeah it was stress but I enjoyed the actual hearings I didn't ever want an MF a solicitor or anyone come to court with me I knew my case best and I knew I would make a better job of it without lining their pockets, I found it very empowering to be honest and I think I'm a better person for it, the roughest part was actually missing my Daughter that was by far the worst but each time I stood up there and fought for her I knew I was one step closer to getting it sorted.

I'm pretty confident anyway and I did have great respect for the Judges they were the only sounds ones in the whole system they did show me a lot of respect to as they knew I mean't business as I was so prepared, there is no way I could of done it with the help and support from this site and the people who are members NJ, 1626, Simon were all fantastic I sort of used this site like a solicitor or MF.

Honestly you could do it yourself it's just getting the first hearing out the way which is the main thing then you start to build your confidence the sense of achievement once you get what your child deserves is unreal and for the first time in my life I am extremely proud of what I have done.

Seeing as you have a solicitor make them work for you chase them badger them kick them up the [censored] to get things done they are charging you a fortune so make them work for it 🙂

Wow...fair play to you. I can imagine it gave you a huge boost.

Not too sure I'd be very good at getting my points across though. Put too much pressure on myself and forget everything.

I've got mediation next week...then my first hearing the week after. I'm sorry worried that I don't get the right points across and they don't do what is needed. I'm trying to write down everything that's happened but so much has happened that it's all muddled into one.

Solicitor has been quote good to be fair.

Hi there

Try writing it down in chronological order starting at the beginning. And giving each point a number so that you can reference it.

Best of luck for mediation next week.

As MOJO said write down what exactly you want to get across although in reality you don't really get the chance to say much it's like a tick box procedure, the family court have a child welfare check list they go through and in the directions hearing they will try to get you and the ex to come to an agreement, maybe order a cafcass report if they're any concerns they may order you both to go on a spips course.

Try not to worry as you WILL get decent contact with little one it just takes time the courts are so slow, if you can come to an agreement in mediation take that to court with you so you can rubber stamp it 🙂

Once you get the first hearing out the way your confidence will grow and it feels good making headway in being part of your childs life 🙂

Thank you both for your advice.

I met with the mother last night, as we meet for me to see my son (roughly once a week) however this time it had been 2 weeks, as i had a bug/cold and didn't want to pass it on to him so i cancelled.

We got into a discuss regarding court and she wasn't happy that i still had it on the table...she's asked that we go to mediation on wednesday and agree and set in place a plan on how much access i get and iron out all the little things. I felt like it was a step forward for her. I feel the ball in in my court a little now.

I've been thinking, and i think i'm going to write a 'contract' that i'm happy with and that i feel is in the best interest of him. Once we've agreed on it, i'll have it wrote up by my solicitor. Once she's signed it the solicitor will keep a copy, i'll have a copy and so will she. In this 'contract' i'll state that if she breaks it, we will go to court. What are your thoughts on this?

This may seem stupid and you may think it won't 'work' but knowing the mother and her family...I actually think it might.

Religion:

(Name)can not be baptised into ANY religion until the age of 18.
(Name) can socialise with none JW.
(Name) can attend other places of religion/He has no restrictions on visiting other places of worship. I.e. Churches, Cathedrals.

Medical:

In the event of (Name) needing medical care. He will have what is advised by doctors and which is best for his health. There will be NO interference due to religious believes until he is over the age of 18 and or both parents content. (In person).

Access:

(Name) will spend weekends (Friday PM until Sunday PM) with father
(Name) will spend Birthdays with father
(Name) will spend at least 1no week over christmas with father 23-27th Dec (overnight stays)

Other:
(Name) can vote where he is eligible to do so.