[Solved] Going through hell...

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum, you have posted exactly as you should have so don't worry about that.

We are a friendly but more importantly supportive forum that will help in anyway we can, whether that be for advice or just to listen to you sounding off.

Have you tried to make contact in the past few weeks or so?

I don't know too much about the religion other than the stereo types which doesn't help.

You do have some legal rights though but the first thing I would be trying to do is to ensure that your name gets put on the birth certificate as this will help you no end in the future.

When you say you are at rock bottom how are you feeling from day to day, what are your thoughts throughout the day.

One of the most important things for you to do while going through this is to look after yourself, I would make an appointment with your doctor to talk about what options they may suggest for you to be able to stay on top.

Any direct questions then please ask, and rember you are not alone, we will support you as much as possible.

GTTS

Hi,

Thank you for your quick response.

I've tried to and only had replies off her mother. Telling me that my ex is struggling with the pregnancy i.e. sickness etc, and any contact with me would stress her out.

Before contact ended, she said I would be on the birth cert and would get to see him. However now we've had no contact...it's got my head running wild.

One thing I've not done is look after myself stupidly. I lost 2 stone in 3 weeks when all this started, and did find myself about to take my life. I didn't...obviously. Just constantly feel like breaking down.

Thanks for you advice...means more than you realise.

Hi there

thanks for replying,

I would contact her mum again and just ask what the plans are for the birth, and if you would be welcome as you would like to be there, if even in the waiting room, see what reply you get and gauge things from there, it could be that she is struggling but you should be able to judge from the reply that you get, if you can get her mum on your side now it could help you massively in the future.

As I said I would get yourself to the doctors for some advice, I hope you are over the thoughts of taking your life but if they are still there the doctor would be able to help you.

We can also help you with advice and support, it's easy to say remove the thoughts from your head and think of your child, but I know from experience that's easier said than done.

As I've said your not alone through this so rember when things get too much come here and talk.

GTTS

Hi there

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling and hopefully we can help you get through this time of uncertainty. It does help to talk about problems and sometimes it helps just to know you are not alone, that there are others dealing with a similar situation.

I think it's a good idea to contact her mother, as GTTS has suggested, you are giving her space but showing that you want to be involved.

Once the baby has arrived then there are options open to you, starting with mediation to try and find a way forward. If no agreements can be sought and you are denied contact with your child then court is also an option, but one that should always be considered a last resort.

Before any of this though its important you build your strength up, look after the basics like eating and sleeping and that will have a follow on effect on your well being generally...if you are having problems sleeping then excercise is a good way of helping with that. You would be surprised at how many of our members have been where you are now but with some support and a few changes you can start to climb back up again.

All the best.

Hi ejlmc,

Welcome to DAD. Wow I'm sorry that you and your ex have split, it sounds as if you are going through a tough time at the moment.

I have got the feeling from what you have said that you have not come to terms with the fact that the two of you have split up, is that right?

I would imagine that you must feel quite powerless at the moment in regards to your unborn child.

It sounds as if your ex is also going through a tough time with the pregnancy. At the moment you need to respect her wishes and give her some space.

She has said that you will be on the Birth Certificate and will get to see your son, so at the moment take her at her word.

All I wanted was to be with her and bring up our little boy together.

It is perfectly possible for the two of you to bring up your little boy together as parents but not as a couple.

The most important thing over the next couple of weeks is to get yourself back on track. Losing so much weight is not good, you really need to pop and see your GP to discuss how your feeling, especially your low mood. Your GP should be able to offer you some help. Don't worry, it's ok asking for help - we all need to from time to time.

Keep talking

Gooner

Hi All,

thanks again for your messages.

My beautiful son was born last month and me and the mother were on speaking terms.

I've just found out that she has registered the birth without me, meaning I'm not down as the father on the first cert. They've said to take them to court to get PA but I'll never get on the birth cert because the mother will never say yes.

What do I do?

I've done nothing wrong to deserve all this.

Mate I know exactly how you feel, your situation sound just like mine and I was at my wits end, Now trust me when I say this but you WILL be part of your childs life it is set down in Law that every child has the right to BOTH parents in their life and I can honestly say the Courts bend over backwards for the father to be there in his childs life, it just takes time, you need patience it will seem like an uphill battle but I promise you, you will get there.

Now first and foremost you are now a Dad 🙂 you have a beautiful baby Son and he's here for the rest of your life and your first priority is to get yourself in shape in mind body and soul to fight to be part of his life.

Honestly I wish I knew what I knew now else I wouldn't have got in so much of a mess, My ex barred me from all scans the birth she didnt put me on the birth certificate and she still to this day doesnt want me to have anything to see my daughter I do never done a thing to deserve that but you've just got to get your head on and fight.

Trawl this site and you will see this is very common and with the help and support you will receive on her you can and will get through this 🙂

Don't worry to much about not having PR and not being on the birth certificate you first point of call is to get contact to see him, it sounds like your ex is going to play hard ball so I'm affraid your going to have to fight fire with fire get the ball rolling and start the proceedings to get a court order for contact with your son, please do this sooner rather than later I so wish I started the ball rolling earlier I was just too much in shock.

The first thing you have to do is find a mediation service in your area and invite your ex to attend this will try and get you both to come to an agreement on the upbringing of your son and you have to try this before you make an application to court if she doesnt attend then you will get an FM1 form to put in your application to court then you can fight for contact so get on it ASAP and find a mediation service.

Keep your chin up mate we've all been there and it's not nice keep posting do your research and you will start to see the wood from the trees 🙂

Great advice Mr Slim.

Here's a link to the mediation service

www.nfm.org.uk

You might like to think about discussing putting together a parenting plan. When you attend mediation. There are some templates for this which you can find in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section.

Wow thank you soo much Mr Slim. You don't understand how much that has helped.

I'm sorry to hear you've gone through pretty much the same horrible situation.

I've spoke to my family and I'm arranging a meeting with our solicitors today. You're right on getting it all rolling asap as I know they are going to drag their feet.

I believe they are doing this because of their religion (Jehovah's Witnesses) and with me not being into religion are worried about me getting PR and stopping them. Which I wouldn't do...the most important one in all this is my little boy.

Thank you again for your help.

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Thanks Mojo, I'm going to look into that website now.

Really appreciate all your help.

No worries mate don't forget you can quite easily self represent without the need of a Solicitor and you can save yourself ££££££ and get the job done a lot quicker, I to went to a solicitor but when I found out it will cost between £6000 - £15000 that went out the window.

Either way once you get the ball rolling and start proceedings you will feel a lot better trust me 😉

Yeah been through it but honestly I'm a better person and a better parent for it 🙂

Your first point of call needs to me a local mediator in your area follow that link NJ has suggested, I've got a feeling the Solicitors will scarethe living daylights out of you like they did me

Good luck