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I've been facing a dilemma in my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm a Dad of one daughter aged seven. My girlfriend on our first date showed photos of her son on her phone. I was cool about that as I am a proud parent too. Since then my girlfriend speaks of her son highly frequently. Again as a proud parent myself i can understand that.
Everything's been going really well. We share common interests, have a similar sense of humour, she's educated, we can talk about different subjects etc.
After about three months I met her son. We'd arranged to go out for the afternoon. I felt like a had to make a good impression as she'd spoke highly of him. Everything was going ok. In the car on the way back I said to her son, 'are we going back home for tea now!', to which my girlfriend said in quite a terse tone 'don't say that to him, he's only three, he doesn't even understand the concept of time yet and he wont stop talking about it'. The rest of the time went fairly ok. Afterwards on reflection I thought how she'd reacted, could she have given him bread and jam to keep him going until tea, and, that I know what kids are like I have on myself etc., etc.
The next time I was invited over to see her and her son, I arrived about at tea tme, the son usually goes to bed about an hour after tea. As I sat down on the sofa where her son was she said 'I don't think that will be appreciated, you sitting on the sofa'. I didn't say anything but thought hmm. Anyway, the son seems to have energetic bursts before bed-time, which I completely understand, but I would probably try and stop my daughter from doing. He was climbing on the sofa, getting off, getting back on again etc. without too much overseeing from mum. Then when me and the girlfriend chatted he was cutting in to get attention, which I do fully understand, my daughter used to a the same a bit. When my girlfriend asked if she could sit on the sofa to her son he said no, it was in a jokey manner, to which my girlfriend sat with a sheepish look on her face, and said 'that's me told, my son is so bossy!' in a kind of isn't-he-so-sweet way. Then after a little bit of tickling and playing about he smacked me a bit, nothing serious, about five times though, probably just tired.
So since these incidents, my girlfriend said there had been one or two incidents with her son smacking at nursery, and he had kicked someone and hit a teacher. They could just be simple accidents I guess.
I really like my girlfriend, we are quite serious about each other and looking at a long-term relationship, but I have some concerns that the situation with her son could become a factor. Using my judgement it appears that my girlfriend seems a little reluctant to discipline her son when its crucially needed. I worry that without the correct parental guidance he may become spoilt.
Any advice or Dads in a similar position to me or general discussion is very welcome...a confused Dad!!
Hi there
It does sound to me that there is lack of discipline and a lack of boundaries, which is already reflecting badly on the child.
I think you really need to talk to your GF about this, as it could seriously effect your relationship further down the line. You've already had some insight into how she might react....talking about boundaries and what she expects of you should you start living together would be a good starting point to get a discussion going.
Best of luck 🙂
Hi,
Thanks for your reply.
Yes you are right, I think inevitably it is going to involve some further assessment of behaviours and the situation, maybe some form of discussion, and then some hard decisions to make!
I've got a feeling that GF may get upset/cross at bringing it up, but it is a factor.
Thanks once again, its good to communicate with others, its sometimes difficult to talk with mates/other men/work colleagues about this sort of stuff. 🙂
...you're welcome. Of course at 3 he is at that stage where he is testing the boundaries all the time and being 3 can be quite as terrible as the terrible 2s!
When he starts school things should settle down and I'm sure if she respects you she will listen to your advice about setting some boundaries for him and introducing firm but kind discipline...after all it's for his benefit as she would hate it if he had problems with his peers and teachers later on.
Best of luck