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Hi,
New to all this, so thought I would give it a go and see if anyone has been through this and can offer some advice. Me and my ex had a baby together (was not planned and we wasn't together when I found out). The idea took a lot to get used to as I am still young, 23. However, after a long time of discussion and building some sort of relationship, things were good.
after the birth of my little girl in September, only around 2 weeks later after an argument, I found myself not allowed to go round and see her, had no contact, CSA were called straight away, everything. to the point where I would go home after work at my mum and dads, and she would be sitting there in my living room with my daughter I wasn't allowed to see, drinking a cuppa.
Things got progressively worse so I felt I had no option but to leave home to find my own place so i didn't have to put up with that. Months down the line, things haven't really changed, apart from i'm in a great financial problem now as i have to pay out alot more bills than before with no preparation. And the standard month is as follows:
2 weeks, happy families, we get on, go for dinner, spend time with my daughter etc, great. My ex has a problem because I say we are not together nor will we be because of some of the things she does. Or because I talk to another female friend, she becomes enraged also. At this point she stops me going round, knowing my flat is not suitable to have my daughter. And messes me around with CSA after we make private agreements.
My questions I guess are, how do you deal with this? is there a procedure I can go through so I am guaranteed to have my daughter legally on set times?
Also, how do I deal with things like Mothers day which is coming up. I have had her mum texting me about it, but when I think about it, is it my duty to make her have a nice mothers day after all she puts me through? And do I speak to her family who seem to be oblivious to everything that's happened and don't seem to know?
And how do i deal with future things, like birthdays for my ex etc?
She is very young (20, and im only 23) and seems very childish.
And one quick thing, is it normal/acceptable for her to be swearing at my 6 month old daughter in the night when she wakes up crying? things like "for f's sake Ellie, go to f'ing sleep" and on accation she has called her a little cow.
Sorry for the essay.
Hi, you would need a court contact order if you want set days/hours of seeing your child, they do like you to have mediation first or at least have looked like you have tried it
Someone who knows more about that should be along soon
Huxley has it right - at the moment, it's worth trying mediation to see if anything can be worked out. You may qualify for legal aid for mediation, so worth checking that as well - www.nfm.org.uk
As for mothers day - I would actually make an effort to make it nice for her (only needs a card) - you can be the bigger man and it may take the wind out of her sails a little. It also won't do any harm having done that if you end up going to court.
make sure you keep a diary of all events, conversations, emails, texts (and mothers day card) etc.
As for mothers day - I would actually make an effort to make it nice for her (only needs a card) - you can be the bigger man and it may take the wind out of her sails a little. It also won't do any harm having done that if you end up going to court.
This is some great advice from actd.
You ex is the mother of your daughter and that should still be celebrated. As your daughter gets older she will need you help with cards and presents for her mum (just as she will need her mums help for fathers day).
Mediation is a great way to go if your set on splitting up. We also have this great site that might help called Splitting Up, put kids first. It will help you develop a parenting plan for you and your ex that will keep your daughters needs first (which of course means having contact with her dad).
Having a baby can a major stress point in any relationship. We're brought up to believe that it is one of the greatest moments in our life but it can also push some relationships to breaking point. Maybe now that the two of you have had a little distance it might be worth having some couple counseling. It might help you both decide if separation really is the best thing or if maybe it's worth trying again.
I hope this helps.
Gooner