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Hello everybody.
I've been reading posts on here and decided to post myself on my latest experiences/
3 years ago, I met the love of my life, within a few months, we we're living together, going on holidays, getting drunk, and we simply we're a match to one another.
2 years ago, we moved into a house, from our 1 bed flat, and within months, we fell pregnant. This was planned, and in August 2014, my wonderful daughter was born.
I asked her to marry me in Dec 13, and we planned the wedding to be June 2016
At the time, I was in training to a new job, of which I was coming to the end of it, so the last few months of 2014 we're quite intense, with a newborn and a new job to pass rigorous exams to qualify.
In this time, we didn't do the couply things as much, and I guess we're all in the same boat when this happens But, we booked a summer holiday, we had a good Xmas, and found days out for just us two, we had a little break in Ireland, and made time for each other again. Things, in my opinion we're going well considering the upheaval that a newborn brings.
We booked our wedding for 2016, paid a deposit for it, and paid the deposit for the trip abroad, as we we're going to be married abroad. Family remembers started planning their trip for our wedding, with some booking flights and hotels etc, all seemed rosy.
Then, whilst on our summer holiday, she opened up about how she'd felt recently, and things weren't as rosy as I thought. We chatted about it, said we have taken each other for granted and that once we get home, we'll follow a regime where we have time for each other as well as family time with our child. That was at the end of June
July and most of August we're uneventful. I worked hard to make an effort, and did notice that I wasn't getting any back, the 1st birthday of our child was a big distraction, and she took hold of planning it, which suited me down to the ground.
She started a new job the week before our daughters birthday, which I thought was a good thing.
Then, on our daughters birthday, she dropped the bombshell that she didn't feel the same way anymore. I begged her to work with me to make us stronger again, which she agreed to, but the atmosphere between us was uncomfortable. I worked hard in the 2 weeks after, and didn't get any appreciation back, and that's when, at the start of this month, I approached her about her feelings and how it made me feel, which was unloved, and unhappy. I didn't want things to end, but I got very drunk, thinking that booze would help, and it made things a lot worse. We exchanged texts as I got more bladdered, and I stupidly shocked her by saying things as they are will finish us....and that day they did.
She stayed in a hotel that night, and every since then, 3 weeks, she's stayed at her mothers. She won't speak to anyone close to her, including her mother. She's been going out with a newly single workmate, which has worried me a little too π
I get my daughter with me 3 days a week due to my job, which helps me.
But at the moment, i'm rock bottom, finding myself wanting to do something stupid, I cry at random things, I don't want to see anyone, and took time off work, on the sick, elongating an injury. I've turned to beer to help me sleep.
My life currently is against me.
Sorry about this, just thought it would be an idea to share my experience. I've never been in love before and this is the 1st meaningful relationship i've had.
Hey and welcome to the forum π
Really sorry to here about your situation I can relate completely as I've been in the same boat, first and foremost get them thoughts of doing something out your head you've got to be there for your Daughter man, If you feel that way again give the samaritans a call it may seem a little extreme but they honestly saved my bacon they're great they help you see the wood from the trees.
Go and see your GP and tell them what your feeling like I'm sure they can help you but in the meantime try and think about yourself and keep yourself ship shape try and knock the drink on the head it makes the situation worse for sure.
Try and do things to take your mind off things, get out and about and see people and lean on your family if you can whilst keeping the basics in check like eating and sleeping properly keep posting on here you will get plenty of help and support.
Keep your chin up
Slim π
A couple of points of advice - firstly have a word with your ex to see if she'd consider going to Relate to see if there is any way of saving the relationship, and secondly, try to stop using beer as a way to get to sleep - go for a run or do some other exercise to tire yourself out, otherwise you could be at the start of a downward spiral.
Thanks gents.
It's a horribleand unfortunate set of events and sadly its ended like this.
I'm trying to be as civil as i can with her and I'll support her in every way possible.
She's just told me today she's house viewing this week and that's anther nail in the coffin.
I'm heading back to work tomorrow which will be a blessing and i can see my daughter for 2 days then.
Thank you for the words. I've felt alone these past few weeks. My family are not geographically close which hasn't helped. But they have been support to me
Thank you all
I feel your pain. I had 60+ days where I couldn't see my baby, having been a hands on dad right from the start. I felt my world was ripped apart, no reason to carry on etc. etc. I thought- "no, my daughter needs a positive role model in her life". I started taking care of myself, ate healthy, exercised, and bought a special tin box for my daughter.
I write letters to her so that when she is older she knows how I felt, what I tried to do, how much I fought for her. I also place little presents in there for her.
I also got a small note book and keep a journal. I find it helps to write everything down and get it off my chest, else it seems to fester and get too much.
there is support for you out there. Reach out when you need it. Children need their parents, be strong, understand that although everything might seem out of control, you can control how you react to the situation. That might be all you have at the moment; however, It is within your control.
Hi There,
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Your no on your own through this, there will be lots of support here for you, you are at least seeing your daughter so enjoy your time with her and when you aren't seing her, plan what you will do when you do.
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This all feels like it won't get better but it will, you will have some better days when things don't feel quite so bad, but then equally you will also have the low ones, there is a proccess of grief when you seperate and that's what you ae going through.
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Stay strong for your daughter, as said try and stop drinking especially to help you sleep or you could become dependant on that which will then effect your relationship with your daughter.
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I agree with ACTD that maybe relate could be helpful for you both, it may not fix things but would give you a safe place to talk and express how you feel.
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If your ex won't attend counselling then you could go alone and talk to someone who can help you through.
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Keep talking to us.
.
GTTS
Hi, I'm also sorry to read your post and agree with what has already been posted.
Relate is really worth a try if you can get her to go with you, if nothing else you both might be able to resolve things easier.
Speak to your GP about counselling and support for yourself, they really can be an excellent at times like this.
I do understand what an emotional and difficult time this is for you, many of us have hit that point in our lives at some time or another. Time and support are the only things that help unfortunately and you have to focus on your daughter too.
Keep posting and we will try to support you how we can.
Take care.
Thank You gents for your input and advise, it's much appreciated.
The past few weeks I've felt I've been the only one going through this but that's bit selfish and shortsighted and that many are going through it too.
Regarding Relate, I've tried to get her to come with me to a session but she will not have any of it, she won't talk to her mother still about things. She's got a few very close friends who she's been out with of late, one of who I work with but I know neither of them will tell me, which is understandable.
I'm going to see a counselor about myself soon, and I will tackle her in the next few days about what's gone wrong.
I've got my daughter with me now till Friday, she's a god send to raise my rock bottom spirits. She's the only reason I get up in the morning at the moment.
I'll keep posting here about my progress, but your support is much appreciated and means a lot
Thank You.
That's the spirit, you sound more upbeat π
You do right concentrating on your daughter that's the main thing, I went to see a Counselor and she said there's nothing wrong with you, you've just got a nut job of an ex lol I went to see my GP and they just wanted to pump me full of anti depressants I found the best way was to eat sleep well do some exercise and get out and about more.
When you contact the ex just be careful as they can get you done for harrasment at the drop of a hat I'd maybe give her a bit of space and just let her know your there for a while and maybe buy her a bunch of flowers.
Are you back at work yet?
Thanks! I think sharing it on here was the best thing i've done.
yeah I returned to work yesterday, I was quite looking forward to going back in to be honest!
Yeah man I would of been up s**t creek if it wasn't for this site it pulled me out one of the deepest holes that's why I hang around it's nice to put a bit back and hopefully I can offer my pearls of wisdom to other Dads having a nightmare π
Good move going back to work it keeps your mind busy so you've not sat round dwelling on the situation I worked 7 days a week for 12 hours a day for 5 months solid to take my mind off not seeing my baby daughter in the end my bosses ordered me to go on holiday so I buggered off to dj in Ibiza 5 times last year it was amazing getting away from it all for a while i'd defo recommend getting away if you can that really helps π
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