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I posted on here in 2014 about my wife leaving me and the kids for her 'first love'.Had an awful time until it finally settled down in late 2016.She had set times to see youngest son (11) and oldest son (15) who had refused to see her had started to meet with her. We were getting on civilly and I had a girlfriend.
As we were getting on ok I invited her to come to youngest's birthday party. She was a last minute invite but arrived with a cake, my girlfriend, who was not there, baked a cake and there was the embarrassing spectacle of a near cake war that could've come straight from a sitcom. Ex has told me since she cried all the way home.
This prompted a year that included her moving out of the house her and her chap had bought and into her mum's, phoning me, apologising for her "terrible mistake" and meeting me (Including a bizarre breakfast meeting she arrived to looking like she was dressed/made up for Saturday night) She asked me to leave my girlfriend and instigated a brief to and fro of pretty intense sexting. When I refused to leave my girlfriend she 'tried again' with chap!
In April last year she was with her parents again and after I had a row with 15 year old and told her he needed to stay with her (at her mum's)She told her folks I'd said he could never come back and they lent her deposit etc for a flat, he moved in with her-I was really upset and concerned as he is a handful and she was not, I felt, equipped to cope.
Long story short I separated from girlfriend in May and we'd been seeing quite a lot of each other, I was aware she was in contact with him. 2 weeks ago I told her I couldn't continue as just friends and felt she needed time alone to sort her feelings. At one point she was in tears saying "I just want someone to tell me what to do" and "I can't be on my own".
She has also said damning things about her relationship with him to me, other family and friends.
I told her on Tuesday I couldn't continue with this, on Saturday received a text that she is back with him, wants a divorce ASAP and have heard from friends she is planning a Summer beach wedding.
I feel like I've been played like a banjo, revealed my true feelings and, after going through an absolute emotional rollercoaster am worse off than I was last year. We now don't speak, after months of telling each other we are 'soulmates' and other [censored] and she is buzzing with her new project. She doesn't appear to have considered there may be an impact on the kids (2 weeks ago she sat in her flat with me and youngest, looking online for a 'family break' for the four of us. Youngest was convinced we were getting back (,I told her the break was not a good idea). She's telling people she always loved him but I made her feel guilty and s***!
Trying to work on myself but feel really resentful and foolish, I still have intense feelings for her and feel like I did when she left the first time.
When we were hanging out she said if he had her back she would have to stay away from me other than kids stuff.
That quite a saga... I'm sorry you're back in a worse situation. The children must be distressed, I'm sure they will have wanted mum and dad to get back together badly. Is your eldest son still with her?
It's a great pity that we can't stop our feelings for another person when a relationship breaks down. As you acknowledge, you really hadn't got over her the last time, which made it easy for you both to slip back into the comfort zone.
You've been here before, you will know what you have to do to get past this, concentrate on your kids and find someone that you can talk to when it gets too much. I think to a good idea to stay away from her too.
The signs are there that her relationship/marriage will fail at some point... she sounds needy and people like that are prone to making the wrong decisions.
All the best
At one point she was in tears saying ............................ "I can't be on my own".
Sorry to be brutal about this, but I think that pretty much says it all - she was using you as a failsafe if it went wrong with her boyfriend, and (at least for the moment) doesn't need you. If her marriage goes wrong, then I think you'd be the first one she'd come running to, but I wouldn't expect it to last long, so my advice is that you look after yourself and your relationship with your children, and move on with your own life.
Hi There,
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I agree with actd, I think looking after yourself and your children would be the best, she seems to be looking after herself and just keeping you hanging on just in case.
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GTTS