[Solved] Ex wife refusing to look after our son

What's she going to do, not look after him! I don't think so, just be firm and tell her that you will be going away for two weeks, it has been arranged and that you will be quite happy to make up the time on your return.

Realistically what is she going to do once you've gone...there isn't a lot she can do except accept the situation...it's called parenting!

I wish I was a brave as you lol. I have offered to do the same for her in return, what's more I would gladly have my children for 2 full weeks uninterrupted, I guess she does not see it like that. I fear she would tell my son she no longer wants him to live with her if I decided to just go ahead which I would love but I work shifts and realistically can't look after him full time.
Also he would end up so confused, we had a disagreement recently and she dumped him at my door when I was going to work and I had to stay off.
(I had turned up 3 hours late when collecting him, the first time in 3 years and it was a genuine mistake.)
I'm thinking long term too

Just to clarify, does your ex wife have residence, and you have a contact order? If that's the case, the contact order is an order to her to make your son available for contact at the specified times, it is not an order that you must have contact, so she cannot compel you to attend, and if she were to try to do something stupid like bringing him round to you house and leaving him there, then she'd end up in a whole world of trouble with the police.

I would send her a letter (recorded delivery) advising her that you will not be having contact during the period, and offering to reciprocate if she needs to go away. You could possibly compromise a little and only go for 1 week, but that's entirely up to you.

I'll check that out tomorrow, I can't remember if it's a residency order and I'm not sure if she signed it. The wedding is in Australia so one week is a bit hard.
thanks.

What I have is a statement of arrangements, it states that my son resides with me from 12 noon on a Sunday to 12 noon on a Wed and that he resides with my ex the rest of the time.
I have also offered to have both my children for 2 weeks so she can do whatever she likes previously to this fall out.
what I can't understand is l would jump at the chance to have my kids for 2 weeks uninterrupted.

That's quite an interesting point - with the old contact orders, it was an order for the resident parent to make a child available at the times stated, but there was no compulsion for the non-resident parent to actually have the contact. I think this is the first time where the potential difference with the child arrangement order has come up - the way I read it, the order is one that states where a child must stay and when, so technically you might be in breach of the order if you aren't looking after the child (or arranging for a child to be cared for) in those times.

I would suggest that you give the Coram Childrens Legal Centre a call (unfortunately, we aren't able to ask them to come on the forum presently) to clarify exactly what you are bound to do, and whether you can vary that. If you do, we would appreciate if you could report back on here what you find out.

Will do thanks.

Hi there

From what I can gather a Statement of Arrangements is not a legally binding document, it is merely a document of intent.

These are mostly used during divorce proceedings to determine the what, whys and wherefores of arrangements to be made both financially and in respect of the children. As the following paragraph (taken from a solicitors website) shows -

Statement of arrangements for children
If you are in the process of divorcing, you will complete a form that details the arrangements you are making for the care of your child, including where they will live. This is called a statement of arrangements for children. This is not a legally binding document and parents can choose to alter these arrangements.

I don't know if this helps you in your current situation though....it might be useful to try mediation to sort this out, at least then your ex will be made aware that you're not legally bound.

If she is receiving the child benefits etc then she is in effect the resident parent. However by taking this stance you may find that your contact is seriously limited once you return from Australia and may find yourself back in court to get a proper order in place.